


from the dining table

by willtoziers (vapoir)



Series: from the dining table [1]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged up characters, Angst, Drug Abuse Mention, Family Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Homophobic Language, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Making Out, More tags to be added, Pining, bev and ben are The Best godparents, bill is a protective fucker, dad!richie, exes au, exes to friends, modern day AU, slowish burn, stan is done with his shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-02-13 06:03:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12977634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vapoir/pseuds/willtoziers
Summary: Eddie’s life couldn’t be more perfect. At 25, he was graduated from NYU, living on his own, working as a nurse, healthy, and financially stable. It was nothing but clear skies and smooth sailing ahead of him.Until he visits his mother in Derry, and runs into an all too familiar face at the grocery store.— And that person’s 5 year old daughter.





	1. you again

**Author's Note:**

> buckle up, this one’s gonna be rough :/
> 
> but exes au!!!! with dad!richie!!!!!! i’ve been wanting to do this idea so many times but this is the first ship i’ve been able to make it work with. this chapter is mostly just an introduction chapter with just a few glimpses of backstory. 
> 
> enjoy, and feel free to leave a comment! :))

_we haven’t spoke since you went away_

_comfortable silence is so overrated_

_why won’t you ever be the first one to break?_

_even my phone misses your call, by the way._

_(maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too.)_

—

Eddie isn’t too fond of snow.

Scratch that — he really, really does not like snow. It sticks to his clothes and hair and makes his nose runny and his hands numb. It makes driving difficult and walking anywhere nearly impossible; yet here he is, trudging on foot to the grocery store in the middle of Derry.

If he had it his way, he’d be in New York right now. Sure, the snow was just as bad there, but at least he would be home.

Derry hasn’t been home to him for a long time now.

After successfully coming up with the most bullshit excuses possible in order to _not_ visit his mother for Christmas the last few years, Eddie figured it was time to bite the bullet and make the flight to Maine.

Although she was pretty shitty to him a lot of the time, claiming she was “protecting” him, Eddie still cared for his mother deep down. He figured a few weeks home with her wouldn’t completely kill him.

By January 2nd he would be on a flight back to Manhattan, leaving Derry behind once again.

He reaches up to pull his beanie off his head, shaking the snow off of it as he walks through the doors of the small store, a bell above his head ringing to notify his arrival. He removes his gloves and runs a hand through his hair, making a mental note to get the slightly longer waves cut soon.

“Eggs, milk, bread... what the hell does she need pickles for?” Eddie mumbles to himself, eyebrows furrowed. He looks down at the list in his hand as he grabs a shopping cart, wanting to get in and out of there as quick as he can.

The store was decently busy, as Eddie assumed it would be due to the approaching snow storm. He smiles tightly and mumbles an apology as he pushes past a small group of people and moves towards the milk aisle.

He notices a couple a few feet away from him, laughing quietly amongst themselves as the man reaches to grab something off the top shelf for the woman. They share a quick kiss before moving along the aisle, a small, mindless moment between them that left Eddie’s chest feeling heavy.

Dating was hard.

He had a few, short flings and hookups every now and then, but nothing had stuck. His mother had mentioned him bringing a “pretty girl” back home with him, which made him want to laugh in her face. He could have _I like dick_ tattooed on his chest, and she would still deny his sexuality.

Regardless, Eddie found himself craving a relationship for the first time in years. A stable, working one, that didn’t leave him into shattered pieces of himself.

He shakes himself out of those thoughts, grabbing the milk he needs and moves to put it in his cart, when he’s stopped by something tugging at the bottom of his shirt.

“‘Scuse me?”

Eddie turns around and looks down, surprised to find a child blinking up at him with some of the bluest eyes he’s ever seen. Her dark, almost black hair is untamed with wild curls, and she has the slightest bit of freckles dusted along her cheeks. It’s then that Eddie notices she’s crying softly.

“Um — what’s wrong? Where’s your parents?” Eddie asks in a soft voice, feeling awkward as he crouches down to meet her height. Working as a nurse has made him slightly better with kids, at least on a professional level. But when it came to him just being himself, he had no fucking idea how to act around them.

The little girl wipes at her eyes as her eyebrows draw together, crossing her arms and looking around the aisle. “I don’t — I dunno! I just wanted t-to look at the cookies, and I think I went the wrong way. I want Daddy.”

She looks genuinely terrified, and Eddie is kind of thankful she decided to come up to him. Sure, he isn’t the best with kids, but she could have ended up in the hands of someone dangerous and that’s the last thing he would ever want to happen to a child.

He ponders what to do, knowing he needed to find this girl’s father, while not wanting to look like he was trying to kidnap her of all things.

“Alright — okay. Why don’t we walk up to the front of the store and have them call for your dad, okay? They can help.” Eddie gives her a tight smile, reaching to touch her arm gently. “What’s your name?”

Just as she’s about to answer, a panicked voice rings through the store.

“ _Emily_!”

The little girl looks past Eddie’s shoulder, and her face lights up as she takes off running in that direction. “Daddy!”

Eddie breathes a sigh of relief, standing up and wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans. He turns around and sees the little girl, Emily, being hugged tightly by her father. The man’s back was turned toward him, but the mop of hair on his head was almost an exact match to his daughter’s. Eddie was hit by a sudden, heavy wave of nostalgia, his hands twitching at the memory of running them through similar curls.

The father is speaking in a hushed voice, but Eddie is able to pick up on most of it.

“Jesus Christ, Ems, I turn around for one second.” Eddie watches the man press a kiss to the side of her head, squeezing her tightly once more, before setting her back on the ground and turning to face him.

The world stands still, for just a moment.

It hits Eddie in flashes.

The smell of cigarettes. Jumping into the quarry. Star Wars marathons. 3am milkshakes. Terrible puns. The Smiths on the radio. A rough, calloused hand in his own.

A sudden darkness. Distance. Lying. Yelling. Fighting. Crying.

Leaving.

Standing in front of him is the source of the most unforgettable love and heartbreak he has ever felt from another person.

“ _Richie_.”

The word leaves his lips on an exhale, feeling foreign to his mouth after going so long — 6 years, to be exact — without saying it.

Richie Tozier is standing in front of him, more silent than Eddie has ever seen him, his eyes the size of the moon and shining with an unreadable emotion.

His hair is shorter than Eddie remembers, but as messy and unmanageable as ever. He’s still slim, but has gotten taller and more chiseled in the face. His eyes are no longer hidden by large glasses, and they can’t seem to move away from Eddie.

The two stare at each other in stunned silence as Emily reaches up to grab her father’s hand.

Her _father’s_ hand.

Richie.

 _Richie_ is her dad.

Eddie finds himself looking for something to say. What is there to say when you run into your ex boyfriend of five years, six years after you’ve broken up?

Just as he feels himself ready to turn around, run out the door, and pretend that was all just an elaborate daydream — Richie speaks.

“Eddie Spaghetti. I must be dreaming.”

A slow, hesitant smile slips onto Richie’s face, and that absolutely does it for Eddie.

Before really thinking about it, he’s moving forward and wrapping his arms around Richie, his eyes squeezing shut and a rush of air escaping his lungs. He’s not surprised when Richie hugs back, the two clinging to each other for a brief moment in the middle of the dairy aisle.

Feeling a wave of awkwardness hit him once more, Eddie steps away from him, clearing his throat and nervously messing with his hair. “How — how are you?” He hears himself asking, leaving a few feet of distance between himself and the two. “You look..”

_you look good. you look handsome. you look like you’ve been sleeping. you look clean. you look happy._

“You look healthy,” he blurts our dumbly, cringing to himself at his word choice.

Richie just laughs softly, nodding his head and running a hand through Emily’s hair.

“That I am, yeah. You look good, too,” he replies, his eyes raking Eddie’s figure, as if he wants to say more. It’s then that his eyes shift to Emily, and seems to come to his senses about the current situation.

“Oh, um, yeah. Eddie, this is Emily. My daughter.” He says the last two words shyly, reaching down and picking the girl up, resting her against his side. “This is Eddie, sweetpea. One of my old friends. Can you say hi?”

Emily, looking much more shy than before, gives Eddie a small wave before tucking her face into Richie’s neck. Richie rolls his eyes and laughs at that, shaking his head fondly.

“She’s people shy sometimes. Definitely didn’t get that from me.”

“From her mom, then?” Eddie wonders, biting his lip softly and avoiding Richie’s eyes at the question, suddenly very interested in the items in his cart.

Richie doesn’t say anything at that, looking at Eddie softly. “When did you get back in Derry?”

“Yesterday morning. Just here to visit my mom for a few days before I head back to New York.”

Richie whistles, shaking his head from side to side. “New York, huh? That’s where you’ve been all this time. That’s — that’s amazing, Eds.”

Eddie doesn’t have the heart to correct him on the nickname. “Thanks. I’m uh, I’m a nurse up there. The hours are pretty rough but the pay is good, so.” He scratches at the back of his neck awkwardly, his cheeks burning at this point.

He looks at the other man, surprised to find how _proud_ Richie looks of him. It makes his stomach flip.

“I always knew you’d make it out of here. You’ve always been way too good for this town,” Richie mumbled, nodding his head a little to himself. “I’m really happy for you.”

Eddie smiles in return, looking down bashfully.

There’s so much he wants to say, wants to ask. _Where did you go? Why did you go? Are you still using? When did you stop? When did Emily come into the picture? Did you ever think of me?_

Before he gets the chance, fate has other plans. Which is probably for the best — the grocery store wouldn’t be the best place to dive into that part of their past.

“Daddy, c’we go home?”

It’s like a bucket of ice water dumped over their heads, Richie finally looking away from him to look at his daughter. “Yeah — yeah, of course.” He looks back at Eddie, his eyes suddenly sad.

He thinks this is goodbye, again.

Eddie doesn’t know if he wants it to be or not.

“My number,” he blurts out, hand gripping the side of his shopping cart. “I mean — my old number, my house phone. It’s still the same, if you want to call. To catch up sometime before I leave,” he says softly, hesitantly. _please don’t walk away._ “Do you still remember it?”

Richie looks at him with his eyebrows raised, as if he can’t believe Eddie actually wants to see him again after this. After everything.

“Eddie, my dear, it’d be impossible to forget.”

With that, Richie shoots him a smile and a little wave, and walks towards the door with Emily in his arms and Eddie’s heart in his hands.

Eddie thinks back to the Hallmark Christmas movies his mother had been watching back home on the couch, and wonders when the hell his life had suddenly turned into one.


	2. and you’re still out of my reach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one got me super emotional while writing it, so hopefully it makes you feel something too! comments are always appreciated :)) 
> 
> chapter title from “kids in love” by mayday parade, since the acoustic version was playing nonstop in my head today and the lyrics go with this chapter almost too well

_Eddie’s eyes open slowly, squinting against the faint light coming through the window in his direction. He wakes feeling abnormally calm and rested, lazily stretching his arms up to the ceiling. He’s in his bedroom, he realizes, glancing around at the minimal posters decorating the walls and the globe he has sitting on one of his shelves._

_Huh,_ Eddie thinks _, I remember taking those down when I left for college._

_It’s then that he notices he isn’t alone._

_His head rolls to the side, and his breath catches in his throat._

_Richie is shirtless in his bed, his back facing Eddie as it rises and falls with even breaths. With his heart pounding, Eddie reaches and dances his fingers along the freckles there, tracing along his shoulder blades. He hesitates before leaning forward and kissing the spot between them, feeling Richie shift and hum softly._

_“Well good morning to you, too,” Richie’s morning voice is gruff and a little scratchy, sending shivers down Eddie’s spine. The older boy turns to face him, a lazy smile stretching across his lips as he faces Eddie and pulls him close._

_Eddie’s mind was searching for memories of how the hell they ended up there — but all he could really focus on was the way Richie was looking at him, like he hung the moon himself._

_Their noses brush softly, and Eddie’s eyes close in content._

_“Hi,” he whispers, arms wrapping around him as Richie moves a hand to cup his cheek. Eddie turns his head to press a kiss to Richie’s wrist, and he pauses when he notices the bruises on the inside of Richie’s elbow._

_He pulls back, and that’s when he really takes in Richie’s face — the dark circles under his eyes, the hollowness of his cheeks._

_Eddie remembers. He starts to feel sick._

_He’s then pulling away from Richie, and Richie is pleading his name softly, asking him to come back to bed, they can talk about this, it’s not a big deal, it’s ——_

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

This time, Eddie wakes with a start, followed by a groan of annoyance at his alarm clock.

It was a fucking dream, of course.

It felt more like a memory than a dream to him, a glimpse back at a life that had been left behind.

The uneasy, almost _longing_ feeling in his stomach is something he doesn’t know what to think of.

After the run-in at the supermarket the day before, Eddie’s mind has been a non-stop cycle of Richie, Richie, and Richie. Long since forgotten, buried feelings were climbing their way back into Eddie’s body with every thought and memory that resurfaced. Seeing Richie looking healthy, happy, and smiling made Eddie want to throw the last six years out the window and make amends with the other boy.

He wants nothing more than to have Richie in his arms again, to kiss him, to tell him that _it’s okay, we’re okay, I’m sorry, too._

But, then he reminds himself of what happened between them. Of how it all went wrong.

 _He left,_ Eddie tells himself bitterly _. One stupid break-up and he removed himself from your life like it meant absolutely nothing. He was selfish. He destroyed himself, destroyed you, and destroyed any hope of things ever being okay again._

To this day Eddie still can’t pinpoint exactly when it started happening. The fighting, the distance, the drugs, the lies. One day everything was seemingly fine, the two going five years strong — until the next day, it wasn’t.

The arguments built over time.

Eddie wanted college. Richie did not.

Richie wanted to party. Eddie did not.

Eddie wanted Richie to get sober. Richie didn’t take him seriously.

Richie wanted Eddie to stop being controlling.  
  
Eddie wanted him to stop destroying himself.

Eddie wanted a break. Richie left.

And that was that.

But now — Richie was back. He had a daughter. And Eddie didn’t know what to think about anything anymore.

Sitting up in bed, Eddie runs a hand through his hair and grimaces. It’s too early to be thinking about all this shit.

He stands up and slowly makes his way to the bathroom, showering away any unwanted thoughts of Richie Tozier.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You know Mrs. Baker, down the block? Her daughter, Faith, just recently got divorced,” Sonya Kaspbrak mentions casually. She’s got her legs propped up as she sits on the living room’s recliner.

Eddie doesn’t reply, an uninterested look on his face as he watches the rerun currently playing on the television.

Mrs. Kaspbrak doesn’t back down, however. “You should think about introducing yourself, Eddie Bear. Maybe seeing if she’d like to go to dinner?” Her voice raises just slightly at the question, demanding an answer.

“No.”

Eddie’s reply is short and to the point, like most of his recent conversations with his mother have gone. Just because he’s visiting and forced to stay with her, does not mean he’s going to put up with her usual shit.

Sonya sighs disapprovingly, as usual, shaking her head at her only son. “Now, Eddie dear, if you would just give it a chance and put this whole homosexual _sinfest_ aside once and for all —“

“Can we not just sit and watch a fucking show for once like normal people without you bringing up how big of a disappointment I am to you?” Eddie throws his hands up and gets up from the couch, face going red in frustration. He ignores his mother’s shouted words, walking into the kitchen and roughly opening the fridge for a water.

Just as Eddie moves to go back to his room for what would probably be the rest of the evening, the sound of a phone ringing breaks through the tense silence of the house.

His first instinct is to ignore it, until he remembers.

_“My number,” he blurts out, hand gripping the side of his shopping cart. “I mean — my old number, my house phone. It’s still the same, if you want to call.”_

Eddie makes it to the phone embarrassingly fast.

“Kaspbrak residence,” he says into the speaker, cringing to himself at the formal greeting.

“Well, golly, Eds. I was hoping to share a brief, steamy round of phone sex with your mom, but I guess this’ll have to do.”

A small laugh punches its way out of Eddie’s mouth. “You’re fucking ridiculous. Really? The mom jokes? Are we sixteen again?”

Richie laughs softly through the phone. The sound makes Eddie bite his lip.

“I’d say not, considering I just heard you drop an F-bomb. You sure I’m talking to Eddie Kaspbrak?”

“Shut up,” Eddie chuckles, cheeks going red. “Uh, what’s — what’s up?”

He can hear shuffling in the background, and Richie clears his throat before answering him. “Emily’s with her nanny this evening. They’re going to the movies and shopping around a bit, and um — I don’t know. Wanted to see if you were free, I guess.”

The nervous edge to Richie’s voice surprises Eddie. He figures he should try to lighten the mood for now. “You caught me on a bad night, I’m afraid. I’ve got a super busy night of gay conversion therapy with my mom while we rewatch her soap operas.”

That brings a heavy laugh out of Richie, and it’s so infectious Eddie can’t help but do the same.

“You’re a dick,” Richie says once his laughter has died down a bit, yet Eddie can hear the smile in his voice. “There’s a burger joint downtown, across from the Post Office. You know the one. Meet me there at 7?” He sounds hopeful, almost like Eddie would change his mind.

And maybe he should change his mind. Save them both from experiencing heartbreak all over again.

“I’ll be there,” he says instead, hanging up without another word.

 

 

* * *

 

 

This was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea.

Eddie sits in a booth, his hands folded on the table in front of him as he glances at the clock repeatedly. He was early, he knew that, but with every second it got closer to seven he felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

Sure, he had ran into Richie yesterday. But they had barely gotten a chance to talk — and tonight, they were going to sit down face to face and do just that, for the first time in years.

Eddie wanted to know everything. What happened before, during, and after.

He knew they would leave this restaurant either never wanting to see each other again, or the opposite. Both potential outcomes made his hands sweat.

At 6:59 on the dot, Eddie looks up as he hears the door open.

Richie walks in, beanie resting on top of his unruly curls. A long, heavy navy blue jacket dusted with snow is removed as he smiles and waves at the cashier and a few of the waiters and waitresses walking around, all of them knowing him by name.

“Richie! Thought you had the day off, man?” One of the cooks yells through the window separating the kitchen from the front counter.

Eddie watches as Richie chuckles softly, removing his gloves and scarf. “I am indeed, pal. But the ol’ tummy started growling and I figured I’d meet up with an old friend. So, if you’ll excuse me,” he grins, lifting his fingers to his forehead in a salute, before he starts walking in Eddie’s direction.

“Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie greets him, sliding into the booth, sitting across from him. “You look great.”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie shoots back by instinct, the two of them sharing a sly grin. “You work here?”

Richie brings a hand to the back of his neck, shrugging a shoulder upwards. “Yeah. Been here for a little over four years now.”

Eddie smiles softly, feeling proud of him. “That’s awesome, Richie. Really. I’m sure you’re the best waiter they have here,” he says. And he means it.

“I haven’t waited tables since my first year here,” Richie laughs softly, looking down at his hands.

Eddie notices his nails are painted navy blue. He almost misses what Richie says next.

“I uh — I kinda run the place, actually.”

Eddie feels his eyes go wide at the admission. “Holy shit,” he breathes, unable to stop the confused and surprised expression on his face. “How did that even—“

“Happen? Yeah, I’m still not sure myself,” Richie interrupts.

His eyes move from his hands to Eddie, and he looks at him for a moment. Eddie tries not to shrink away from his gaze.

“I suppose I should explain, huh? That’s what you came here for, right? An explanation?” Richie looks more nervous and uncomfortable than Eddie has ever seen him, and he’s starting to wonder if it’s too late to turn around and go home.

“I mean — I came here to talk to you, Richie. Something we haven’t done in a very long time,” Eddie nearly whispers. “But yeah, an explanation might be nice. Just — what happened? What the hell happened to us?”

“I guess I should start from the beginning, yeah? From when I left?” Richie’s jaw twitches, his eyes cast downwards once again. “But before I do, just — know that everything I’m about to talk about, to tell you — it’s not easy for me, okay? So just, be patient with me.”

Eddie says nothing, nodding his head.

“Okay — okay.” Richie takes a deep breath, his eyebrows drawn together. Eddie feels like he can’t breathe.

“So, obviously, I was in a dark place. We both know what I was doing then; the drugs, the drinking, the partying. And I saw what it was doing to you — how it was affecting you. God, Eddie, I swear the one thing I always promised myself was that I would never hurt you. And that night, when you were crying and begging me to get clean, threatening to leave me — I realized how far into my mess I had pulled you. How badly I’d fucked you up. It broke my heart. I’ve never hated myself more than I did in that moment.

So, I did what I thought the logical thing would be — to run. Packed up all my shit that night, ran off with some of my dealer’s buddies. Figured my parents wouldn’t give a fuck and you would be better off without me, so, I left.”

Eddie remains silent, staring at Richie as he continues speaking quietly.

“A lot of it is still blurry to me. I remember spending a lot of time in a van, sleeping in various abandoned houses, getting high on whatever we could get our hands on. If I wasn’t high, I was looking for a way to be. I didn’t want to feel a thing. And, with that — I slept around. A lot.” Richie sniffs, bringing a rough hand up to run through his hair. Eddie’s chest aches.

“I knew it was getting bad, and if I didn’t get some kind of help for myself, I would die. At one point, part of me wanted to. But somehow, without getting into too much detail, I got back in Derry about a year or two later. It was a miracle I was still alive, let alone functioning enough to end up on Beverly Marsh’s doorstep, of all places.” Both boys smile sadly at the mention of Bev, for two different reasons.

Eddie misses his friends.

“She immediately took me in. Over the next few months, she helped me get my shit together. The withdrawals were fucking agony, finding a job felt pointless, but — she pushed me. And I’ve never been more thankful for that.”

Richie pauses and takes a shaky breath, and Eddie allows him a moment to collect himself before continuing. “I almost relapsed. Once. But fate had other plans for me, I guess, because it was that exact moment when I got a knock on the door that changed my life forever.”

“Emily,” Eddie whispered, and Richie nodded.

“It was her mom. Some random woman I’d apparently fucked when I’d been using, holding a baby in her arms. I freaked the fuck out,” he laughs sadly, reaching up to wipe quickly at his eyes. “Obviously, I didn’t want it to be mine. I was still getting my life back on track — how the hell was I gonna bring a kid into that equation? But as soon as I saw her, I knew she was mine. And as dumb as it may have sounded then, I wasn’t angry. That was my _kid_.”

Eddie reaches over to grab Richie’s hand, notices him trembling. Richie grips back.

“Em’s mom wanted nothing to do with her. Basically put her in my arms, told me she was all mine, and walked away. Like it was nothing.” Richie shakes his head angrily at that, and Eddie squeezes his hand. “Bev helped me with her for a few months. I was working here part time waiting tables, until I eventually saved up enough money for a small apartment. Me and Emily moved in, and we’ve been there ever since. And when the manager of this place had to step down, and they gave me the position of all people, it kinda felt like I finally made something out of my life. Not anything drastic or huge, but — I made it out of that dark place I was in. I started feeling like myself again.”

“Richie,” Eddie whispers, voice thick with emotions.

“And Emily, she — God, she taught me how to love again, you know? The idea of me with a kid at 25 would have seemed absolutely insane years ago, but I think I’ve done a pretty good fucking job. She’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, Eds, I swear. She saved me, and continues to save me every fuckin’ day.”

Both of them are blinking away tears, hands held tightly on top of the table.

“I should have helped you,” Eddie blurts out, eyes shining. “Damn it, Richie, I could have helped you.”

“No you couldn’t have,” Richie replies, looking at Eddie with a sad smile. “I didn’t want help back then. All I would have done is push you away, like I was already doing.”

Eddie looks down at their hands, eyebrows drawn together as he takes in all of this information. “Did you ever think of me?”

“Every day,” Richie says without hesitation.

“You never called. When you came back, I mean. Why didn’t you call?”

“Didn’t think you would want to hear from me. Not after all the shit I put you through. Bev said you moved out of state for college, and I thought that was it.” Richie shrugs sadly.

“I waited,” Eddie chokes out suddenly, voice swimming with emotion. “After you left. I was going insane, Richie. I thought you were dead, at one point. If I had heard even the slightest hint that you were okay—“

“What would I have said? ‘Hey Eds, it’s your ex boyfriend! The one that ran off without explanation? Yeah, I’m not on drugs anymore, but I’m back in our hometown with a kid and ready to make-up. Anyway, wanna hang’? That would have gone really well.”

“Well I’m here now, aren’t I?” Eddie says, and Richie is silent for a moment.

“Yeah, you are. And what does that mean?”

Eddie pauses, searching his heart for what to say to that.

“It means I don’t want to go back to New York wondering what could have happened if we’d have given things another shot. It means — it means I want to forgive you. It means I don’t want to lose you a second time.”

Eddie’s words leave him in a rush, and Richie looks down at their entwined hands. “You really think you could love me again?”

“I can’t answer that right now,” Eddie whispers honestly. “You really fucked me up, Richie. But I’m willing to try. Maybe — maybe we can try being friends? At least for now, see what happens?”

Slowly, Richie brings Eddie’s hand up to his lips, brushing them against his knuckles. The gesture is anything but friendly, yet Eddie can’t find it in him to pull away.

“Friends,” Richie mumbles, nodding his head. “I can do that.”

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, looks like everything is out in the open and our boys can try to be friends again! ..right?
> 
> up next we’ll see reddie’s attempt at friendship, some eddie/emily bonding, and possibly some familiar Losers sneaking their way into the story :)


	3. story of another us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill is hesitant, Eddie is conflicted, Richie is Richie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for all your kind words! i was wanting to get this out sooner, but got major writers block towards the ending. i’m still not sure how happy i am with it, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless! new tag added bc i realized this is getting much more slow-burnish than i originally intended, oops. 
> 
> also, for setting purposes, this chapter takes place on december 18th. eddie leaves derry january 2nd.

“S-so let me get th-this straight. You ran into y-your ex-boyfriend at the grocery store, t-the one that left you, by the way — only to find out that he’s not only clean now, but a-also has a kid? And then you went on a date with him? W-what the hell, Eddie?”

“It wasn’t a date, Bill!” Eddie sighs in exasperation, running a hand through his damp hair. “It was — it was just catching up with each other, opening up. Figuring out what happened back then and what’s happening now. Not a date.”

He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, folding some laundry as his laptop sits propped up in front of him, his best friend rolling his eyes at him through the screen.

Bill had been his roommate and first friend he had made at NYU. They had grown very close — even had a brief fling at one point during his freshman year, simply due to both being very gay, very single, and very lonely. However, it was mutually decided they worked better as friends. Besides, Bill was practically head over heels for his lab partner Stanley at the time, who he was now in a relationship with as of the past few years.

Although Bill had moved into his own apartment with his boyfriend, the two of them still hung out quite often. They knew all about each other’s pasts, which meant Bill knew about what went down with Richie and Eddie. Which was why the day after meeting with Richie at the burger place, Eddie knew he needed to Skype Bill and tell him everything.

After deciding to be friends that night, he and Richie had stayed at the restaurant for another hour or so, just talking. Eddie filled him in on the past six years of his life, telling him about college, his job, and his friends.

Richie had casually asked if Eddie had been seeing anyone. They both knew the answer was obvious.

Though there were still some tense silences between them that night, there were also some laughs, some old, fond memories brought to the surface between them.

But it wasn’t a date. Eddie made sure they both knew that.

“Alright. D-did he pay for your f-f-food?”

“Only because he’s the manager and got us a discount.”

“Did he w-walk you home?”

“It was dark outside. Derry’s creepy at dark.”

“Did you kiss?”

“No, Bill, _Jesus_!” Eddie exclaimed, throwing a pair of socks at the computer screen, ignoring Bill’s laughter. “I gave him my number. Just — you know, so he doesn’t have to call the house phone if he wants to talk. We hugged, briefly, and he went home. That was it.”

“Okay, okay. I b-believe you,” Bill chuckles. He’s silent for a few moments, and at first Eddie thinks the connection is fucking up again, until Bill speaks once more. His tone is much softer, more serious.

“Just be careful, a-alright? It’s good that you two are t-trying to be friends again, but I-I-I don’t want to see you get hurt. Especially n-not after what he di-did to you. I’m not sh-sure I trust him.”

Eddie looks down at his fingers, nodding his head slightly. “I know. I’m being careful.”

“Good.” Bill gave him a tight smile, their chat interrupted slightly by the sound of Stanley yelling in the background. Eddie watches as Bill rolls his eyes, sighing fondly.

“I g-gotta go shower and get ready b-before Stan cuts my dick off. We’re supposed to meet his p-parents for lunch in like, half an hour.”

Eddie nods in understanding. “Yeah, I should head off too. Tell Stan I said hey, yeah?”

“Aye aye, c-captain,” Bill smiles, giving Eddie a mock salute. “Love you _byeeeee_.”

Flipping him the finger, Eddie returns the sentiment and closes the Skype window, shutting his laptop afterwards.

Laundry now the furthest thing from his mind, Eddie leans back against his pillows and reflects on what Bill said. Of course he was going to be careful. There was no way in hell he was going to rush into this thing with Richie, whatever this thing may be. He was only in Derry for a few more weeks anyway — it’s not like things were going to magically go back to how they were before.

They had separate lives now. From what Eddie knew and could see, Richie was doing just fine in Derry, without him. And Eddie was doing good in New York. There wasn’t really a point in starting something they couldn’t follow through with. They didn’t necessarily need each other anymore, did they?

They had agreed on being friends. Eddie was determined to stick to that plan, and save them both from getting hurt again.

Once he finishes folding laundry and putting his clothes away, Eddie relaxes back in bed and flips on the TV. He was hoping his mother would leave him alone for the majority of the day, looking forward to relaxing by himself and making the most of his time off from work.

He sighs as he hears his phone go off, signaling he has a text message. Assuming it’s from Bill or maybe one of his co-workers, he ignores it, deciding he’ll get it later.

It’s not even thirty seconds later when the phone dings again, and then again.

Groaning to himself, Eddie leans over to look at the screen, finding he has a few missed texts from an unknown number —

Oh.

He sits up in bed and quickly grabs the phone, pulling it towards him so he can read through the messages.

\- _hey um I know this is super random and you’re probably busy today anyway but I have a really big favor to ask of you?_

\- _like super huge but please hear me out_

_\- oh it’s richie btw LOL_

Eddie rolls his eyes, chuckling as he continues reading.

\- _anyway so emily’s nanny is sick with the flu and can’t watch her today, and I have a meeting at 3 that I really have to go to and I can’t leave her here alone_

_\- usually I would take her over to bev’s but her and ben are out of town for the day and I don’t know what else to do other than to see if you would?? possibly watch her?? for only like two hours at the most eddie I swear_

Fuck. Richie wants him, of all people, to watch his kid for the day? Eddie has no idea how to take care of someone’s child. What do they do all day? What do they eat? When do they nap? Do five year olds even still take naps?

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut and ran a hand through his hair, trying to think of an excuse to get out of it, when another text came through.

_\- i’m literally begging, eds. it would mean the world to me_

“Damn it, Richie,” Eddie mumbles to himself, groaning.

\- **Of course. I can leave here in about twenty. I need your address, though**.

The next message that came through was an address to Richie’s apartment, followed by one more.

_\- you are an angel, eddie kaspbrak. i owe you big time for this. see u soon x_

* * *

 

Eddie’s stomach was rolling in anticipation the closer he got to Richie’s apartment. The man luckily lived close enough that Eddie could walk, rather than using his mother’s old car and risk her hounding him over his whereabouts.

The neighborhood wasn’t the nicest, from what Eddie could tell, but Richie had seemed really proud of himself when talking about the apartment he shared with his daughter. And that was enough for Eddie.

When he finally reaches the apartment complex, he walks up the stairs and down the narrow hallway until he reaches a door reading _206_. Richie’s place. He takes a deep breath and knocks.

Almost immediately the door opens, and a slightly disheveled, yet grinning Richie is looking at him.

“My hero! My life saver! My knight in shining armor! The man of the hour has finally arrived!” Richie shouts dramatically, reaching out a hand to grab Eddie’s arm, pulling him into the apartment.

The apartment itself is super small, yet Eddie supposes it’s sufficient enough for just the two of them. He stands in the entryway of the kitchen slash dining room area, taking in his surroundings. It looks — like a home. Not too clean, not too messy. Pictures and drawings are hung on the refrigerator, a few dishes lie in the sink. Coffee is being brewed. A TV is playing cartoons in the other room, and a washing machine hums quietly in the background.

The whole atmosphere is very domestic, and it isn’t a picture he would put with Richie Tozier. Yet here they are.

Richie notices Eddie looking around the apartment, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, it’s uh, kinda messy in here right now. Jess, our nanny, usually doesn’t care too much and I didn’t have much time to clean up before you got here.”

Eddie shrugs off his coat and hat, setting them on the counter near the door. “No, it’s fine. It’s — cozy in here, I guess?” He chuckles, trying to find a better way to word things. “I like it.”

That brings a small smile to Richie’s face, and he looks at Eddie for a moment, before seeming to remember the fact he was in a major hurry.

“Fuck, shit, okay. Em’s in her room right now, she usually keeps herself pretty busy with TV and her toys and coloring and stuff, so she really shouldn’t drive you too crazy. She might get hungry here in a little bit, so there’s bread and stuff if you wanna make her a PB&J or something. Just make sure to cut the crust off, or she’ll go fuckin’ ballistic.”

As he speaks, Richie is moving around the kitchen quickly, straightening things up, looking for his shoes and keys, pouring some coffee into a to-go mug. Seeing Richie in such a normal and domestic setting while talking about his daughter is tugging at something in Eddie’s chest, but he pushes it aside to focus on what Richie is telling him.

“And there should be enough apple juice in there for today until I can run and grab some more. She goes through that stuff like it’s water, I swear—”

“Richie.”

Richie freezes and turns to look at Eddie, finding the shorter man looking at him in amusement. “I’ve got it. Can’t be too hard, right?”

Nodding his head, Richie smiles softly and steps towards him. “Right. She’s not a total handful like her dad, so, you should be fine.”

They share a quiet laugh.

“And uh, one more thing,” Richie says a little seriously, glancing at the hallway before looking back at Eddie. “She has asthma, so, just keep an eye on that. There’s an inhaler in her room and the kitchen, and a spare in the bathroom.”

All too familiar with the condition, Eddie nods his head. “Alright. I’ll know what to do if anything happens. Asthmatic nurse at your service,” he teases.

“Right.” Richie nods and smiles. “Come on, I’ll show you her room.”

Richie leads him down the narrow hallway, decorated with minimal pictures and artwork. There’s three doors, which he assumes are Richie’s room, Emily’s room, and a bathroom. They stop at the first door on the left and Richie knocks, pushing it open.

“Hey, rockstar — Eddie’s here,” he says softly.

Emily is sitting at a small play table near the window, _Finding Nemo_ playing on the TV as she scribbles on a piece of paper in front of her. There are crayons spread all over the table and a few drawings laid beside her. She’s focused on whatever it is she’s creating, hardly acknowledging the two men at the door.

Richie rolls his eyes fondly and walks over towards her, kneeling down beside her. “Alright, Picasso, look at me for a second.”

Eddie chuckles as Emily gives a small huff, setting her blue crayon down and looking at Richie.

“You remember Eddie, right? From the store, the one I told you would be hanging out with you today?”

Emily turns to look at Eddie, who is standing in the doorway, giving her a tentative wave that she doesn’t return.

“Where you goin’?” Eddie hears her mumble softly, tilting her head at her father.

“Just gotta go out for a little while, baby. But Eddie is one of my favorite people, and I know you two are gonna have fun today, okay? I’ll be back before you know it,” he says, reaching his hand out in a fist. Emily looks at him scrutinizingly for a brief moment, before a small grin lights up her face and her fist bumps with Richie’s.

_Eddie is one of my favorite people._

Eddie’s heart totally didn’t jump at that.

“Alright, well, I’ll leave ya to it,” Richie chuckles as Emily almost immediately goes back to coloring. He bends to place a kiss to his daughter’s head as he stands up and starts walking back towards Eddie.

“Love you, Daddy,” Emily says without looking up from her drawing, and Eddie nearly melts at the soft look that takes over Richie’s face as he says it in return.

Richie leaves a few minutes after, making sure Eddie promises to call him if anything happens.

He was right when he said Emily would mostly keep to herself. For the first thirty minutes or so, Eddie sits in the living room and flips through channels on the television as Emily sits quietly in her room. Part of him wonders if he should be in there with her, trying to talk to her or keep her entertained, but he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. This was simply him doing Richie a favor and watching his kid — nothing more.

However, Eddie finds himself walking to Emily’s room, knocking on the side of the door as he walks in. “Hey, um, Emily? You getting hungry?”

The young girl was still drawing at this point, ignoring Eddie’s question. He became a little intrigued.

Slowly, he walks into the very pink room, and takes a seat on the floor across from her. “You really like drawing, huh?”

Emily looks up at him then, eyes searching his face like she was reading him, and it amazes Eddie how uncomfortable a five year old of all people could make him feel.

“Yes,” she answers a heartbeat later, nodding as she goes back to work.

Eddie looks around at all the drawings — which were actually pretty impressive for such a young child. “These are really good, Emily,” he says softly, lifting up a drawing that was clearly herself and Richie, holding hands in what looked like a park. “Is this you and your dad?”

Emily looks up at the picture and nods.

Eddie smiles, setting the drawing down, before picking up a different one. His eyebrows furrow in confusion as he looks at the new drawing, what appears to be Emily in bed sleeping, while Richie stands near her door. “Why is he crying in this one?”

The young girl is quiet for another moment, dark curls casting like a curtain around her face as she looks down at her current piece. The explanation she gives is short, yet powerful enough to break Eddie’s heart.

“Daddy gets sad a lot, when he thinks I’m asleep.”

This time, Eddie is the one who finds himself speechless.

The afternoon passes by without any problems. Emily shows Eddie some more of her drawings, and though she doesn’t speak much, she lets him borrow some crayons and make some drawings of his own. He can’t help but admit how relaxing it actually is.

He fixes them both sandwiches when he hears her stomach start to growl, and they eat together in the small living room on the couch. He’s hesitant at first, thinking they should probably eat at the table, but Emily tells him she and Richie eat while watching TV all the time, and Eddie isn’t about to argue with her.

Emily decides she wants to watch Frozen, which Eddie won’t admit that he’s seen already at least five times. She only makes it through about twenty minutes of the movie before she’s falling asleep on the couch, her small form leaning against Eddie’s side.

Something in Eddie’s chest flutters when he looks down at the child, face relaxed as she sleeps. She has Richie’s nose.

Eddie wraps his right arm around her to make her more comfortable, and ends up falling asleep, too, as Olaf sings about Summer in the background.

 

* * *

 

  
Eddie’s eyes blink open an hour or so later, and he’s momentarily confused and disoriented, waking up in a strange room.

He feels weight at his side, and that’s when he remembers where he is, and who he’s with.

He then notices the figure sitting in a chair adjacent to him.

Richie is staring at him and Emily, a soft and thoughtful expression on his face, his elbows resting on his knees.

“Hey,” Eddie whispers, trying not to shrink away from Richie’s intense gaze. “What time did you get back?”

“A few minutes ago,” Richie says quietly, and Eddie isn’t sure he believes him. “I didn’t want to wake you two. You looked comfortable.”

Eddie flushes, glancing down at Richie’s daughter. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. We were watching a movie and —“

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen asleep watching Frozen with her, Eds. One of the worst plot lines in Disney history.”

“It is a great movie, actually. Fuck you and your Frozen slander,” Eddie whispers in reply, laughing quietly as he rubs his eyes.

Richie chuckles quietly, running a hand through his hair. “Thank you, again. For doing this. I really do owe you one.”

“It’s not a big deal. I — I enjoyed it, actually. She’s a great kid, Richie,” Eddie says with sincerity. He brushes a soft hand through Emily’s hair. “How was your meeting? Something with work?”

“NA meeting, actually,” Richie whispers, and Eddie watches his cheeks flush. “I still go every week. I could have skipped today and stayed with her, but, I sort of have this routine now and if I miss a meeting I feel all fucked up in the head about it and —“

“I get it, Richie. You don’t have to explain,” Eddie nods. The room grows silent, aside from Emily’s soft breathing and the credits rolling on the screen.

“I think she likes you,” Richie whispers, smiling fondly at his daughter, who was clutching onto Eddie’s t-shirt. “Can’t blame her. You’re just irresistible to everyone, Eds, even people-picky five year olds.”

 _“Beep beep_ , Rich.”

“God, I haven’t heard that in years,” Richie laughs, shaking his head as he leans back in the chair. “Which reminds me — um, I talked to Bev earlier, about a lot of stuff, maybe sort of mentioned you. Her and Ben are having a small get together thing for Christmas? They both want you to come. Mike and his wife will be there, too. They miss you. We all do.”

Part of Eddie felt terrified at that. Hanging out with them again would feel too much like revisiting his old life, even more so than he was already doing with Richie. Was he really ready to go back to the past, and all the memories that came with it? Would he be strong enough to not let it affect his life now?

“I’d love to come, Richie,” he says instead.

“Good.” Richie smiles, his eyes soft and hopeful.

Eddie is so screwed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you next time! comments and kudos are always appreciated <3


	4. lover, please stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Emily is an unintentional matchmaker, Eddie visits some familiar faces, and being friends is harder than it looks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again!! thank you for all your comments — i believe i’ve responded to most of them, but if i missed yours, just know how much i appreciate it!
> 
> we finally have a (subject to change) total number of chapters! woo! forgive me if the pacing feels a little off in this one, i think i may have tried to squeeze too much into a single chapter? if not, ignore me being self-doubting. anyway, here’s to chapter 4! enjoy :))

Without really planning on it, Emily and Richie are starting to become a constant in Eddie’s life, as of the last week or so.

It all started the day after Eddie had graciously watched Emily for a few hours. He had been at his mother’s house, doing some dishes and cleaning up the kitchen, when his cell phone started ringing. It was a call from Richie.

Eddie had wiped his hands on a dish towel and brought the phone to his ear. “What’s up, trashmouth?” He greeted casually, phone pressed to his ear using his shoulder.

“Eddie!”

The voice on the other line was not the one he had been expecting.

Confusion had washed over Eddie as he realized it was Emily on the phone. Confusion soon turned to complete and total panic and dread, as Eddie gripped the kitchen counter to steady himself. “Emily? Hey, sweetie, why are you calling? Is everything okay? Is — is your dad okay?” Eddie asked slowly and hesitantly, trying to calm his beating heart.

“Shhh, he’s in the shower!” Emily said, and Eddie could hear her stifling giggles into her hand.

An overwhelming sense of relief rushed through him, and he let out a breathless chuckle as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Okay, _shh_ , got it,” Eddie smiled, rolling his eyes fondly to himself. “Now — do you wanna tell me why you called me?”

“We’re goin’ to the park. Can you come, too? Pleaseeeee?”

Eddie was surprised, to say the least. Sure, Emily had seemed to warm up to him a bit by the end of the day before, but enough to take Richie’s phone, call him, and invite him to the park? That, he had not been expecting.

“Isn’t it a little cold for that? Did your dad put you up to this?” Eddie said through a small chuckle, a small, deeply buried part inside of him hoping the answer was yes.

It was then that he heard Richie’s voice in the background, yelling at Emily for his phone back. Eddie grinned to himself as he heard some rustling and movement on the other line, before a hesitant “Eds?” came across the speaker.

“Hi, Richie.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry — the little munchkin grabbed my phone while I was in the shower. I gotta change my passcode like six times a week.” Eddie could hear the laughter in Richie’s voice.

“Yeah, well, I was in the middle of a really important work call when she called, so..”

“Are you serious? Jesus, Eddie, I’ll let you go, I’m so sorry I’ll tell her not to do it again—“

Eddie interrupted Richie with a small fit of laughter, his eyes closed as a hand came up to his mouth. “You’re too easy nowadays, Tozier.”

He was relieved as Richie laughed in return, the two growing quiet again after a few moments. “And you’re still a brat,” Richie said then, his tone light.

“So, I’m assuming you had nothing to do with your daughter inviting me to come to the park with you guys?” Eddie mentioned casually, fiddling with the edge of his shirt. He heard Richie sigh with a nervous laugh, and he could almost picture the other man shaking his head.

“I’m afraid not,” Richie replied.

“Oh.” Eddie tried not to sound hurt. He wasn’t hurt — he had no reason to be. Why would he even want to go to the park with them? That would be weird, and would totally cross any boundaries they’d set between them. Watching Emily for the day was one thing. Going to the park with her and her father — her very single, very much Eddie’s ex-lover, father — was completely different.

“But if you wanna come with us, I definitely wouldn’t mind it,” Richie said then. “We uh, we kinda go once a week whenever I’m off. Em loves it. I think she’d love it even more if you were there. The kid’s shy as fuck, but believe me, she really took a liking to you yesterday.”

Eddie wondered when he was ever going to be able to say no to Richie Tozier. And now, apparently, he wasn’t able to deny Emily Tozier either.

They had spent almost the entire afternoon at the park that day. Eddie and Richie had taken turns pushing Emily on the swings, had helped her make a snowman, had a snowball fight, and together had ate a packed lunch with hot chocolate from a thermos, courtesy of Richie himself.

As soon as Emily had scarfed down her sandwich, she was running to play on one of the slides, ignoring Eddie’s instinctive plea to slow down and watch her steps. This left Richie and Eddie sitting together on a bench, watching her. Eddie had a soft smile on his face, his eyes on Emily, not noticing Richie’s eyes on him.

“Thanks for coming today. I know it’s a little weird or whatever, but—“

Eddie turned his head to meet Richie’s eyes, and he cleared his throat with a quick nod. “Of course. I wanted to come — for Emily,” he corrected quickly, trying not to notice the slight disappointment in Richie’s eyes. The look was gone in a flash, as Richie then turned to watch his daughter again, eyes soft.

“Yeah, of course. She’s happy you came,” he almost whispered. “I just love seeing her happy. She’s always so damn happy when we come here, or when she’s drawing, or when I wake up early enough to make her pancakes. And — it makes everything worth it. That’s all I want, you know? Fuck everything else. I’d give her the whole world if it made her smile,” Richie said absentmindedly, and this time, he was the one who missed the way Eddie was looking at him.

For the next few days, when Eddie wasn’t reluctantly spending time with his mother or Skyping Bill and Stan, he was with Richie and Emily. Richie’s work schedule was pretty relaxed and flexible, meaning he was able to give Jess, their Nanny, a break from Emily every now and again. Every time Richie had something planned for himself and his daughter after the trip to the park, she practically always begged for Eddie to come, too.

Neither of the two men were about to deny her.

There were visits to Richie’s restaurant for dinner, more trips to the park, a few movie nights, and many words, thoughts, and feelings left unspoken between Richie and Eddie. Emily seemed to just be happy to have a new friend, and Eddie had convinced himself the only reason he was spending so much time with the two, was for her.

Before he knew it, it was the evening of Beverly and Ben’s Christmas party.

 

* * *

 

 

Eddie totally wasn’t panicking.

Who would, after realizing you’re going to be coming face to face with friends you left behind almost six years ago, to move to a big city and pretend they don’t exist?

Okay, yeah, he was panicking.

He looks at himself in the mirror for what must be the fifteenth time in the last five minutes. He isn’t sure what the dress code for this party is, so he decides to play it safe with a casual pair of jeans, a soft grey sweater, and boots. His slightly longer hair is tucked away under a beanie, and his hands are already starting to reach for his heavy jacket, despite still having a few minutes until he needs to start the walk to Ben and Beverly’s home.

Richie had texted him earlier and asked if Eddie wanted a ride, which he had politely declined.

They couldn’t arrive together. Eddie didn’t want to think about how that might look to everyone else.

Soon, he’s telling his mother goodbye for the evening and walking out the door to what could end up being the best or worst night he’s had in a long time.

When he arrives at the house, he double checks to make sure it’s the right address, before he makes his way up the steps to the door.

The house isn’t huge by any means — a little one story thing with a small yard and what looked to be a back porch. It looks cozy, and Eddie can already picture Bev and Ben building a life here together.

Fuck. He’s about to see Bev and Ben.

And Mike.

And Richie. But he already knew that.

As he wonders in the back of his mind if it isn’t too late to turn around and go home, his hand is moving before his brain and rises to hit the doorbell. He only has to wait a few moments before the door is opening, and he feels like the wind has been knocked out of him.

Standing before him is Beverly Marsh, looking more beautiful and radiant than he has ever seen her. Her hair is longer, almost shoulder length now, styled in relaxed waves that she probably didn’t even try to do. She’s wearing a cheesy Christmas sweater and a black mini skirt, and looking at Eddie with the same amount of awe that he’s probably giving her in return.

Slowly, she cracks a smile, and Eddie is relieved to say that it hasn’t changed a bit.

“You have about two seconds to hug me before I tackle your ass down those steps, Eddie.”

He doesn’t have to be told twice.

Eddie immediately steps forward and pulls Bev into an embrace, her face tucking itself into Eddie’s shoulder. She was always one of the more affectionate ones out of their friend group, and it doesn’t hit Eddie until right at that moment how much he missed her hugs, how much he missed her in general — how much he missed all of them.

He knew they weren’t angry with him for leaving to go to college. But Eddie could have made an effort to keep in touch with at least one of them, rather than completely dropping them as if they meant nothing to him. The sudden guilt he feels almost makes his knees buckle as his hands grip her tightly. “Bev,” he mumbles, voice breaking at the end of the word. Fuck, he was already getting emotional.

“It’s okay, Eddie baby,” she whispers in return, seeming to read his mind. She pulls back from him and cups his cheeks, looking at him with a sad, lopsided smile. “We missed you too.”

The reunions between Eddie with Mike and Ben went about as well as Beverly’s did.

Eddie totally didn’t tear up as he was welcomed with open arms by all of them, as if he hadn’t spent the last six years ignoring all of them. He truly did not deserve them.

He was introduced to Mike’s wife, a slim, smiling dark-skinned woman named Hannah he had met through work. There were a few more guests, some mutual friends, co-workers, and mostly people Eddie did not know.

He made acquaintances with a few of them, before excusing himself to the kitchen for a drink, where he was currently standing.

It was all getting a little overwhelming for him, this whole blast from the past, and he feels himself growing anxious as the minutes pass. He won’t admit it, but he knows he would feel a lot more comfortable if a certain someone would arrive already —

“You made it.”

Eddie turns, trying not to spill his soda as he finds Richie grinning stupidly at him. He’s wearing a Santa hat over his forever messy curls and a red Christmas sweater, one that reads _kiss me under the mistletoe_ , with a crude arrow pointing downwards towards his waist. Eddie almost spits out his drink from laughter.

“Holy shit,” Eddie giggles, fucking _giggles_ , eyebrows raised at Richie’s sweater. “Please tell me Emily didn’t see you wearing that.”

Richie rolls his eyes and chuckles, reaching over Eddie for a cup to pour himself a Coke. “Relax, _Mom_ , she’s with Jess tonight. Not like she would understand it anyway.” He glances over at Eddie as he brings his drink to his lips, not so casually checking him out. Eddie pretends not to notice.

“You look nice, Eds,” Richie decides to say, licking his lips. His eyes meet Eddie’s, and it looks like he wants to say more, but Eddie beats him to it.

“You’re just trying to butter me up so I don’t kick your ass in Pictionary. I already claimed Ben on my team, and I’m pretty sure he knows what he’s doing. I mean — he’s _Ben_.”

Richie looks down at his drink with a small laugh, and Eddie tries not to notice how forced it looks. “I’m taking Bev, then. She’s sort of an artist, remember? Don’t go crying to Mrs. Kaspbrak when we annihilate you guys.” A real grin slowly spreads onto Richie’s face at that, and Eddie returns it.

“Bring it, Trashmouth.”

 

* * *

 

  
He’s almost positive this is the most fun he’s had in a long time.

The night is spent playing games — Richie and Bev totally destroy everyone in Pictionary, by the way — eating shitty Christmas cookies, making fun of all the sappy holiday movies on TV, dancing, and drinking — well, some of them were drinking. Eddie had watched Richie turn down drink after drink, and he felt himself obligated to do the same.

A few hours have already past when Eddie realizes he doesn’t know where Richie went. He walks into the kitchen, deciding to check there first, and sees someone standing in there — it’s Bev, however, not Richie.

She turns when she hears him enter, grinning and waving him over as she finishes mixing some concoction of vodka and juice. “I’m about to make another one of these for Ben. You want one?” She asks, raising the bottle in his direction.

“Nah, I’m okay,” he shakes his head, moving over to stand beside her. He sighs as he leans back against the counter, running a hand through his hair. “You and Ben, shacked up together in Derry — thought I’d never see the day.”

Bev snorts, shaking her head fondly. “He loves it here, for some reason, and I love him. Compromise,” she says, grinning to herself.

Eddie can’t help but return it. “Tonight has been — really, really nice, Bev. I didn’t realize how much I missed you all, and I still feel like a piece of shit about everything, honestly.”

“Didn’t I already say we forgive you once tonight, Eddie?” Beverly teasingly scolds, turning to him with her eyebrows raised. Eddie nods.

“Okay, then,” she decides, moving to set the bottle of vodka to the side. She sighs a little to herself. “If anybody here understands why you did things the way you did, Eddie, it’s me.”

Eddie nods a little in understanding, remembering what Richie had told him about Bev taking him in when — when everything was happening. When Richie came back.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He suddenly whispers, eyes glued to the floor, unwilling to meet Bev’s eyes. Not yet. “When he came back, all those years ago. Did you not think I would want to know?”

“He didn’t want me to tell you. Didn’t think you would want to hear from him,” she says simply, shrugging her shoulders. Eddie can tell this is a touchy subject for her, yet he keeps going.

“I thought he was _dead_ , Bev.”

“He might as well have been!” She says suddenly, turning to face Eddie, and he can’t help but look up at her. She looks as frustrated as he feels. “Do you think we just hid that from you for no reason? He — he was sick, Eddie. Addiction is no fucking joke. I’m talking hospitals, withdrawals, rehab, all of it. I had never seen a person more broken, Eddie.”

Eddie’s throat felt dry, his eyes focusing back on the floor.

“And then Emily on top of that? I’m surprised he didn’t break down more than he did. Any sane person would have,” her voice is softer now, thoughtful.

“I’m not saying this to make you feel shitty, Eddie. I just need you to understand what all he was dealing with, okay? I saw that shit first hand, and let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. So you can go ahead and mope around that we didn’t call you all you want, but it was a difficult time for all of us, Eddie. He didn’t think he deserved you. Hell, he still doesn’t.”

“I don’t deserve him. Not anymore,” Eddie whispers, more to himself than to Bev.

“And that’s the problem. You both think you don’t deserve each other. And maybe that’s true, but so what? Who the fuck cares about what you do and don’t deserve? All I know is that there’s a man sitting out there, sitting on that porch, who has been through hell and back. That, yes, broke your heart at one point. But you’ve broken his too, Eddie. And he’s willing to forget all of that.”

Bev is almost in tears at this point, and Eddie is almost positive she’s a little tipsy, but it doesn’t make her words any less true or meaningful.

“You still love him,” she whispers finally, taking her and Ben’s cups in both of her hands. “I’m not saying in what way. That’s not for me to decide — and you may not even know yet. But he’s here, and I don’t think he’s going anywhere anytime soon.” With that, she leaves the room.

 _But I am_ , Eddie reminds himself of his home, his life, back in New York for the briefest moment.

Then, he takes one look to his left, seeing Richie through the screen door, sitting on the back porch. His back is to Eddie, his head tilted towards the sky as a cloud of smoke rises above him.

His feet are moving before he thinks about it, and he slides the door open and then shut, moving to take a seat beside his ex-boyfriend.

Richie is quiet, cigarette between his gloved fingers. Eddie shivers against the cold air, mentally scolding himself for not grabbing his jacket on the way out there. “You still smoke?”

“Down to three times a week. Routine, remember?” Richie chuckles quietly, turning to look at Eddie in question, silently offering the cigarette to him. Eddie shakes his head.

“Asthmatic nurse, remember?”

“Right,” Richie mumbles, looking down at his feet as he takes another drag. He then throws it out in front out him, squishing it into the ground with his shoe.

The two men are silent, both completely lost in separate thoughts. Eddie stares up at the sky, thankful the snow decided to stop for the night. Mike’s playlist is still bumping inside the house, and Eddie can hear the faint beat and melody of _Africa_ by Toto. His chest suddenly hurts, and for good reason.

“This song was playing during our first kiss,” he whispers mindlessly without looking at Richie, eyebrows furrowing. He can feel the other man looking at him, but he’s almost too scared to meet his eyes, afraid of what he’ll find. “That awful, 80’s themed homecoming dance sophomore year. Remember?”

“Of course,” Richie breathes, a sad chuckle punching through his lips. “Yikes. And I thought your dancing was bad—“

“Oh fuck off,” Eddie interrupts, both of them dissolving into a small fit of laughter, shoulders shaking. He turns to look at Richie once they’ve quieted down, finding the man already looking at him, his eyes darting along Eddie’s face, searching.

“What are we doing, Eds?” He whispers hesitantly.

“We’re sitting and talking.” Eddie blinks at him.

Richie groans at that, reaching up to rub his forehead. “You know what I mean.”

Eddie is silent as he looks down at his hands, finding himself unable to put together words.

What were they doing? What was _he_ doing?

_I want to be with you. So bad. I want to tell the voice in my head, the one that is pulling me away from you, to shut the fuck up. I want to stay here, with you, in Derry. I want us to try again. I want to be in Emily’s life. I want to have a future with you. But I’m scared. I can’t stay. I can’t leave New York. I can’t get hurt again. I can’t hurt you again._

“I don’t know,” Eddie answers honestly, head swimming with a million thoughts, drowning him in them.

Richie doesn’t seem pleased by that. “This is probably unfair of me to say, but honestly, I don’t fucking care at this point,” Richie begins, and there’s a hint of laughter in his voice — the kind that comes when something isn’t funny, at all.

“I’m trying to be friends with you, Eddie. I really am. But then I’m hit with all these feelings and memories, and seeing you everyday, me flirting with you, you flirting back, and fuck, my daughter practically worshipping the ground you walk on,” he’s rambling, they both know it, but neither make an attempt to stop him.

“And I see you smile and hear your laugh and everyday I just want to tell you how sorry I am, how much I fucking hate myself for ruining what we had, and how I don’t think I could ever possibly love someone else again the way I love you and —“

Eddie stops Richie with a kiss.

His chapped lips are almost bruising as they press against Richie’s mouth, the older man gasping slightly as his lips part. Their hands are suddenly everywhere — on each other’s cheeks, shoulders, in each other’s hair, gripping at backs. They can’t seem to get close enough.

Eddie feels like he could die, like a man deprived of water for six years finally quenching his thirst. He feels hot all over, despite the nearly freezing weather outside. Nothing prepared him for how this would feel, to finally feel Richie’s lips again.

He feels Richie’s tongue against his lips, parting them submissively and letting a small whine escape into Richie’s mouth. This spurs Richie on further, his large hands sliding down his back, just barely brushing his backside before moving back upwards. Eddie’s head is spinning.

They pull away when they have no choice but to breathe, and Richie is looking at him with lidded eyes and swollen lips, and whispers Eddie’s name like it’s a prayer.

It’s then that it dawns on Eddie what he just did — what they both just did, and how it changes everything between them.

So, Eddie does what he does best.

He stands up, and he runs.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*
> 
> forgive eddie for being so hot and cold, poor dude has no idea wtf he’s doing
> 
> also, richie’s christmas sweater is a very real thing. you can prob google it. 
> 
> see you next time!!


	5. (i’m not) kissing you goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie talk. Emily is angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only two chapters left after this one, you guys!!! i’m SO happy with the response to last chapter and this fic as a whole. your comments mean the absolute world to me, and i thank you all for letting me share this with you. 
> 
> with that being said, i’m excited to say i’m currently working on a prequel to this story! it’s going to be a one-shot, not a WIP. it’s set about six/seven years before this one and goes into the details of their relationship before, during, and briefly after the breakup. i think to fully appreciate this story you need a lot more backstory and understanding of what all they went through, so i hope to have that out for you guys before this fic is over!
> 
> hope you enjoy this chapter x

Eddie is running.

His feet pound the pavement one after the other, his breath leaving him in short, breathless pants that cloud into the cold December air. He mentally scolds himself for not bringing his inhaler, yet he doesn’t slow down. He needs to get home, as far away from the party as possible.

What the hell had he been thinking? That kissing Richie would shut him up and everything would magically be okay afterwards?

 _Things probably might have been if you didn’t run off_ , Eddie thought to himself.

There were two parts of him in an active tug of war battle — his brain, who knows getting back with Richie could be messy and complicated. That the distance, their pasts, their presents, their futures, all would come together and cause them to crash and burn yet again. That it wasn’t worth getting heartbroken twice.

And his heart, who despite all that, desperately needs to be Richie’s again. That wants to wake up in his arms every morning. That wants to fall asleep with him every night. That wants to leave New York and start over here in Derry with him. That wants to have Emily in his life, and maybe someday, call her his own. With Richie.

Eddie didn’t know who to listen to.

Before he knows it he’s reached his house.

All the lights are off, and he’s reminded that his mother is out at some Christmas party with a book club she’s apparently joined while he’s been in New York. He can’t imagine why anyone would want to spend more time with her than needed, but he figures an empty house for the night would be good. He needs time alone with his thoughts.

He’s walking up to the door and reaching into his back pocket for his house key, when he freezes.

His keys are in his jacket pocket. His jacket is still at Bev’s.

Fuck.

Eddie shivers against the cold air, moving onto the porch and checking under the flower pot for the spare key his mom used to keep there when he was a teenager. Of course, it’s no longer there.

Groaning to himself, Eddie is considering his options — breaking into his old home, finding a motel for the night, sleeping on the porch, going back to the party for his keys and having to face everyone after what happened — when his phone goes off.

It’s a text, from an unknown number.

_\- It’s Bev. I got your new number from Richie. I’m not gonna yell at you about what he says happened tonight, but you left your keys here. I’m on my way to bring them to you now_

_\- Even though I should just let you sit out in the cold for leaving Richie like that_

_\- Shit. Sorry. I said I wouldn’t yell at u :(_

Eddie nearly cries in relief. He does himself a favor and deletes the two most recent messages as soon as he receives them — he doesn’t need another reminder of how fucked the night had suddenly become. He can feel his hands going numb in the cold weather, and he prays Bev doesn’t take too long to get there.

His prayers are answered when he sees headlights coming down the street, before an older, beat up looking car is pulling into his driveway. Eddie stands up on the porch and walks down the steps, arms wrapped around himself against the cold air, and moves to get a closer look at who’s in the driver’s seat.

It’s not Bev.

He should have fucking known.

Richie steps out of the car, his eyebrows pulled together in a frown. The lack of expression on his face is almost unnerving. An unlit cigarette is dangling from his lips, and his Santa hat has been replaced with a simple maroon beanie. He holds Eddie’s jacket in one hand and his keys in the other, and he looks at Eddie expectantly as he holds the jacket out to him.

Eddie takes it from him, mumbling a small “thank you” as he swiftly pulls the jacket on, thankful for the immediate warmth it brings.

 _Not as warm as Richie’s arms would be right now_ , he thinks, before mentally kicking himself for doing so.

“Um,” Eddie says softly, staring at the pavement instead of looking at Richie. His cheeks are flushed red from embarrassment and guilt, though he would be more than ready to argue that it’s just the weather. “Can I have my keys?”

Richie’s quiet for a few moments, and Eddie doesn’t even have to look to know that he’s staring at him.

“No.”

Eddie’s sure his eyebrows are in his hairline now, with how high he’s raising them in confusion at Richie’s reply. He finds himself looking right at him now. “No? What do you mean, no?”

He watches as Richie steps towards him, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lighter instead of keys. He brings it up to the cigarette in his mouth, lighting it, and Eddie almost asks if that makes his second or third this week. _Routine, remember?_

“I mean, no,” Richie says again, leaning against the hood of his car, looking at Eddie carefully. Eddie isn’t amused.

“Richie, cut the shit and just give me my keys, it’s cold as f—“

“No, you cut the shit.” He’s interrupted by Richie, and he almost flinches at the tone of his voice. It’s enough to shut him up immediately. “I’m not giving you these keys until we fucking talk, Eddie. I’m not letting you run away again. Not until we figure this shit out.”

“There’s nothing to figure out,” Eddie says in a frustrated voice, bringing a hand to roughly push his hair back from his face.

Richie laughs, fucking _laughs_ , and roughly throws his cigarette to the ground. “Okay, yeah. So you were just gonna kiss me and run away like nothing happened, right? Like you haven’t spent every waking minute with me and my daughter for the past few days and made her fall in love with you? Gonna let me start feeling the smallest bit of hope that things were starting to be okay between us again, that there could _be_ an us again, and then fuck off to New York and your new life a week later? No offense, Eds, but fuck you.”

Eddie feels an odd mix of anger and guilt snowballing in his chest, and he marches down the last porch step to be face to face with Richie. “You don’t fucking get it, Richie. You don’t — you don’t get how absolutely terrified I am to want you again. I was my most vulnerable self with you back then and it ruined me, for years. So, excuse the fuck out of me if it’s not easy to jump right back into things!”

“I’m not asking you to!” Richie fires back, hands raising upwards in frustration. “You’re the one who kissed me, Eddie. I’ve been taking things at your pace — only hugging, touching, flirting with you when _you’re_ the one to initiate it. I haven’t forced one damn thing out of you, so don’t you dare turn this around on me.”

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, his chest heaving with how hard he was breathing. His knuckles were surely turning white with how hard his fists were clenched.

“I’m fucking scared, Richie,” he admits, the volume of his voice decreasing significantly. “I’m so scared of getting hurt again.”

With his eyes closed, Eddie can feel Richie staring at him, followed by a hesitant hand on his cheek. “Eds — look at me.”

Unable to deny him, Eddie opens his eyes to find Richie looking at him with a question in his eyes. “In all the time we’ve spent together in the last week or so, have I given you one reason not to trust me? To think I’m anything like the way I was before?”

Eddie shakes his head, unable to form words.

“I’m not saying things are going to be easy with me. I still have my bad days. But I’ve been sober for nearly five years now. I have a good, steady job. I’m on antidepressants—“

“Antidepressants?”

Richie smiles sadly, hand slipping from Eddie’s cheek to the side of his neck. “I’m in the middle of a grand speech here, Eds — I go to therapy once a month, and NA every week. I have a beautiful daughter that makes me so fucking happy and I just — I’m a better person now, Eds, I swear.” Richie’s voice is nearly breaking, and Eddie feels like he’s suffocating.

“You were never a bad person,” he answers honestly, shaking his head. “You were always so _good_ , Richie, even through the bad—“

“Still lost you, though.” Eddie can see the guilt and heartbreak written all over his face. He reaches up to brush the hair that’s escaped Richie’s beanie from his eyes. Richie’s left hand reaches to hold his in return.

“Look, Eds. If you can honestly look me in the eyes and tell me that there’s nothing left here, that you don’t feel anything for me anymore, I can accept that and we can be done here. We can both move on, for good. But I need you to be the one to say it, because I can’t.”

A shaky breath escapes Eddie as he looks up at Richie, and for what may be the first time since he arrived back in Derry, he doesn’t see the past when he looks at him. He doesn’t think of the lies, the drugs, the fighting, and the heartbreak they went through together.

Instead, he sees a future. He sees a chance to start over. He sees trust, hope, and so much love it makes his chest ache with it.

“I can’t tell you that, either,” Eddie finally whispers, not surprised to find his own eyes damp. His heart is pounding. “There’s never been anyone else, Richie. You’re it for me. I’m done being afraid of that.”

Richie looks so fragile he might break. “Eddie, you have to be sure this time. Please, tell me that you’re sure—“

“I’m sure, Richie—“

Richie kisses Eddie before either of them can get in another word. Eddie is leaning against him as Richie relaxes back against the hood of his car, their hands exploring sides and backs and waists and faces. While the kiss earlier that night was full of rushed longing and intense rekindling of an old flame, this one was softer, slower and deeper, the two taking their time with each other’s lips in the middle of Eddie’s snowy driveway.

They wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
After realizing staying out in the cold any longer would have resulted in both of them getting sick, Eddie and Richie decided to head back to Richie’s place for the night. Despite their inability to keep their hands off each other since the kiss in the driveway, it was silently spoken between them that they wouldn’t be doing any more than that tonight.

They both needed time. Baby steps.

However, with Emily at her Nanny’s for the night, it did mean the two had the apartment to themselves. This equaled warming each other up with hot chocolate and pajamas, watching Christmas cartoons, feeling like they were in high school again.

Eddie guesses that’s what happens when you’re dating your best friend. He almost forgot what that feels like.

 _Frosty the Snowman_ was nothing more than background noise, the clock reading 2:06 A.M. The two lay tangled on the living room couch, empty mugs sitting on the coffee table, Eddie laughing softly as Richie placed short, teasing kisses to the side of his neck. “That tickles, you dick.”

“I feel like we have to make up for so much lost time,” Richie mumbles against his skin as Eddie plays with his hair. “Can’t believe I missed you in your college days. You probably looked so cute and smart and shit.”

“You may not believe this, but — I wore _two_ fanny packs my whole first year.”

Richie gasps dramatically, clutching his chest. “Goddamn. I love when you talk dirty to me, Spaghetti. Can you talk about your mom next?” Richie smirks, laughing when Eddie punches his side. He pulls his head away from Eddie’s neck to grin goofily down at him, something soft in his eyes. “Missed this,” he mumbles.

“Me too,” Eddie whispers, looking up at him. Richie doesn’t need to explain further.

The two are quiet for a few moments after that, simply enjoying each other’s presence. Richie lays down with his head resting on Eddie’s chest, while Eddie’s fingers continue mindlessly twisting around Richie’s curls.

“Can I ask you something?” Eddie is the first to break the silence, his voice hesitant and his bottom lip between his teeth.

Richie’s hand finds Eddie’s free one, and without lifting his head from his chest, he plays with Eddie’s fingers. “Anything,” he mumbles.

Eddie’s eyebrows are drawn together as he pauses, thinking of a way to word his question. “Are you, like — okay?” He whispers dumbly.

That causes Richie to lift his head and look at Eddie in amused confusion, his left eyebrow raising upwards. “Am I okay? What do you mean?”

Eddie groans, bringing a hand up to cover his eyes. “I don’t know, just,” he pauses when Richie moves his hand away from his eyes, holding it in his own. He’s looking at him softly, waiting for an explanation, and Eddie’s shoulders slowly deflate. “Emily and I were talking, that first day I watched her, and she said —“ he sighs, reaching up to touch Richie’s face. “That you ‘get sad sometimes’ when you think she isn’t listening. Hearing that, plus the antidepressants, I just thought.. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Richie looks a little taken aback at what Eddie tells him, and for a moment, he regrets even bringing it up. But then Richie is closing his eyes with a sigh, leaning into the hand Eddie has on his cheek.

“I’m alright, Eds.” He whispers the words, and Eddie wants to believe them. “Like I said earlier, I still have bad days. And on those bad days you just have to be patient with me because they can sometimes be a little too much for even me to handle, but — overall, I’m okay.” He smiles then, something light and hopeful shining in his eyes. He brings Eddie’s hand up to his lips and kisses his knuckles. “Think this is the most okay I’ve felt in a long time.”

They stay like that for a while, once Richie reaches for the throw over the back of the couch and drapes it over his and Eddie’s bodies. They continue talking softly into the early morning about nothing and everything, and before either of them realizes they’re falling asleep like that, clinging to one another on the tiny sofa.

The next morning, Eddie feels himself being woken up by an unrelenting poking sensation on his cheek.

“What the..” He mumbles, eyes slowly opening to find Emily standing over him, poking his cheek with a frown on her face. He starts to wonder how she even got in the apartment, when he sees her nanny, Jess, standing behind her with a knowing smirk on her face.

“Wake up!” Emily yells suddenly, pausing her poking to pound and shake at Richie’s shoulders. It’s almost comical how quickly the man sits up at that, curls sticking wildly in every direction and an imprint from Eddie’s sweater on his cheek. “Jesus, Ems? What time is it?”

“It’s almost noon,” Jess answers for her as she glances at her phone, before reaching to run a hand through Emily’s hair. “You know I usually don’t let myself in, but the hallway’s super cold, and _someone_ didn’t hear me knocking. Wonder why,” she says, sending a wink in Richie’s direction.

Eddie, now fully sitting up on the couch, watches as Richie’s face flushes red. “Jess, it’s not—“

The twenty year old holds up a hand, laughing softly. “It’s alright, Rich.”

Richie lets out an embarrassed chuckle of his own, glancing over at Eddie as he rubs at the back of his neck. They share a small smile.

Jess tells them she has to run to go to class, and Richie reminds her to stop by before Christmas to get her check from him. She salutes him jokingly, before hugging Emily goodbye and waving at Richie and Eddie.

Once Jess leaves, Emily is staring at the two of them with her arms crossed, a frown still etched onto her face. “I’m mad a’you two.”

Richie turns to look at his daughter in amusement, raising his eyebrows as he tugs her forward to sit on his lap. “Oh yeah? Wouldn’t have guessed from that frown on your face, goober. You’re gonna get wrinkles by the time you’re a teenager if you keep that up.”

Eddie laughs a little at the look of horror on the young girl’s face, and he reaches over to poke her arm gently. “You wanna tell me why you’re mad, kiddo?”

“Because,” she huffs, arms crossed as she sits in her father’s lap, looking at the floor and pouting. “You had a sleepover without me!”

The two men are immediately in a fit of laughter, and it does little to make Emily feel better. “S’not funny, _Richard_!” She says angrily, turning her head to look at her father. Eddie’s eyebrows shoot upwards.

“—Did she just call you Richard?”

Richie rolls his eyes and wraps his arms around his daughter, resting his chin on top of her head. “She thinks it’s funny to call me Richard when she’s mad at me. Heard Bev do it once and she repeated it, and they all found it hilarious, so now she won’t stop.”

Eddie can’t help but find it hilarious, too.

Richie sighs as he mindlessly starts braiding a few pieces of Emily’s hair, the little girl still pouting at the ground. “How about this, rockstar — it’s Christmas Eve, right? I’m not working. Why don’t we have a sleepover in Daddy’s room tonight? We can watch movies and drink hot chocolate, then wake up tomorrow morning to open presents from Santa? Would that be okay?” His voice is soft, and Eddie is yet again mesmerized by how gentle the notorious trashmouth Richie Tozier is with his daughter.

Emily seems to think it over, tapping her chin dramatically, when she turns to look at Richie expectantly. “Eddie, too?”

Richie turns to look at Eddie, biting his lip and questioning him with his eyes. Eddie knows what he’s asking without him having to say anything. _This okay_?

Humming softly to himself, Eddie scoots over to rest his head on Richie’s shoulder. Snow is falling gently outside the window, and Eddie feels more content than he has in years. He looks fondly at Richie, then Richie’s daughter, and nods. “Yeah. Eddie, too,” he whispers.

Emily smiles.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :’)))))))))) my boys
> 
> everything’s fixed and happy! for now, at least.
> 
> thanks for sticking with me! see you next time


	6. i could let go of everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily opens gifts from Santa, Eddie has a talk with his mother, both Bev and Richie ask Eddie a question he can't answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 6 y'all!!! i originally wasn't posting this today, but i won't be able to post again until next week and i didn't want to leave you all with nothing. depending on how i end up pacing the next chapter, this may end up becoming 8 chapters total instead of 7. just a heads up.
> 
> also, the prequel to this, "meet me in the hallway" has been posted here on my account!! it's very different but gives a lot of insight and backstory that's pretty useful for this fic. feel free to read that as well and let me know if you liked it!
> 
> this is kind of a filler chapter? but also not really bc a few Things happen?? also i'm very aware of the lack of stenbrough appearing in this fic, but i definitely think next chapter will make up for that ;)
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are what motivate me to write, and i'm so thankful for all of you that continue to leave such nice words and thoughts every update!! THANK YOU!!

Waking up on Christmas morning next to Richie, with Emily squished between them, was quite possibly the best feeling Eddie has ever gotten the chance to experience.

The day before had been all about Emily. Before the Christmas Eve sleepover Richie had promised her, Eddie and Richie decided to take her ice skating. Both of the men were pretty terrible teachers, Eddie being uncoordinated on the ice and Richie unable to keep his lanky body upright for more than five minutes.

However, they both watched with proud smiles as Emily seemed to get the hang of it, giggling as she skated into her father's arms. Richie's face had been flushed from the cold, looking adorably goofy with large ear muffs covering his ears.

He'd kissed his daughter on the forehead and told her how good she was doing, before grinning over at Eddie.

Eddie couldn't remember the last time his heart felt so full.

They went out to eat together after that and Richie had even taken her for ice cream, mostly so that Eddie could have some time to run out and get her Christmas present for the next day without her knowing.

Richie and Eddie had mutually agreed on not getting gifts for each other. Having each other again was worth more than anything they could put in wrapping paper.

When they made it back to Richie's apartment that evening, Eddie had sent a text to his mother, letting her know he wouldn't be coming home until later Christmas day. She had proceeded to blow up his phone with questions and objections, which Eddie had not so subtly deleted or left unread. 

That night, the three of them had made cookies and hot chocolate, before settling down in Richie's bedroom to watch movies. It had been the first time Eddie had been in the room, and he couldn't help but smile to himself at how _Richie_ it was. Emily had insisted on watching The Grinch twice in a row, and really, how could they have said no?

It didn't take long for her to fall asleep, one hand gripping Richie's arm as she laid her head on Eddie's chest. The two waited and talked quietly among themselves, and once they were positive Emily was fast asleep, they got out of bed and crept their way to the living room. 

"Okay — I'll start setting the presents out, you take a few bites out of the cookies and drink the milk," Richie whispered to Eddie, keeping his voice low. 

Eddie grimaced. "You really expect me to drink straight white milk? By itself? For enjoyment?"

"Jesus, _fine_ , dump it down the sink then," Richie couldn't help but laugh, rolling his eyes at Eddie.

They were as quiet as possible as they set all the presents from "Santa" underneath the tree, as well as one from Eddie.

"It's gonna take her forever to get through all of those. You did good," Eddie whispered, chuckling to himself. The bottom of the tree was filled with presents, big and small.

Richie smiled shyly. "Its really not that much, if you calculate how much it all actually cost me. I just want to give her the world, you know?"

Eddie nods. "Hopefully she likes my gift. If not, I have the receipt," he chuckles.

"You really didn't have to get her anything, you know. I don't think she expects you to," Richie said softly, rubbing at the back of his neck. The lights from the Christmas tree were reflecting bright colors onto his tired face, his messy hair complimenting his cheesy Christmas pajamas. 

Eddie had never seen something more beautiful.

"I wanted to," he answered simply, giving Richie a shrug. "She deserves it."

Richie had leaned over and kissed him sweetly, pulling back just barely as he glanced at the clock. "It's midnight," he whispered, smiling softly. "Merry Christmas, Eddie Spaghetti."

"Merry Christmas, trashmouth."

They went back to bed shortly after that, careful not to wake Emily, and Richie had fallen asleep almost immediately.

Eddie glanced over at both of them, swallowing down the sense of fear and anxiety that swam through his body as he realized he would be leaving them soon. What had only been a short amount of weeks had felt like an entirely different lifetime. One where his life in New York didn't exist, and he could spend every day waking up and falling asleep with Richie. That this could maybe, one day, be a family.

It scared him, how badly he wanted that.

The thought of only having a few days left him tossing and turning, searching for sleep.

He had eventually fallen asleep after a few hours, bringing him to the current moment.

Light is just beginning to peek through the window. Eddie's a little surprised Emily is still sleeping — any other kid would probably be up by this point on Christmas, Eddie supposed, but it seemed Emily had an oversleeping problem like her dad.

Eddie took things upon himself, reaching over and brushing a hand through Richie's hair. The man mumbles incoherently, his nose scrunching up. Eddie can't help but giggle softly. "Richie," he whispers, running his thumb over his cheek. 

Richie stirs then, his eyes fluttering open slowly. It takes him a moment to focus, but when his eyes land on Eddie, and then his daughter, he smiles. 

"Mmm. Good morning." Richie's voice is soft and a little scratchy, and it sends a chill down Eddie's spine.

"Merry Christmas," Eddie whispers in reply. "Should we wake her up?"

Emily lets out a small snore at that moment, causing both of them to laugh quietly. "Yeah, think so," Richie nods.

Eddie laughs to himself as Richie starts tickling Emily to wake her up, the young girl immediately yelling, giggling, and flinching in protest. Eddie sat up in bed himself, stretching his arms over his head. 

He lets out a breathy laugh as Emily's arms fling around him. "Help!" She cries out, still giggling and turning away from Richie's attempts to tickle her.

"Better get away from him!" Eddie chuckles, turning around and letting Emily climb onto his back. He stands up from the bed and holds her piggy-back style, Emily sticking her tongue out at her father. 

"Fine. I see how it is, traitor," Richie says as he sits up in bed, looking at the two of them with an over-exaggerated pout, definitely for Emily's amusement. "Guess I'll have to go open your presents for you," Richie smirks, before immediately jumping out of bed and running out of the room. Emily squeals and hits Eddie's shoulder, as Eddie runs after him.

If the Eddie from one month ago could see him right now, he'd probably be a little worried.

 

* * *

Watching Emily open her gifts had made Eddie feel all kinds of emotions.

Richie looked proud of himself as his daughter seemed to fall in love with every single thing she opened, hugging her dad after each one. Her biggest present had been a small bike, which Richie promised to teach her how to ride when it was warmer outside. 

Eddie had of course reminded her of the importance of a helmet, elbow pads, and knee pads. 

After her gifts from Santa and Richie, she had opened her gift from Eddie. 

It was a brand new art set, complete with colored pencils, paints, watercolors, and pencils. "So we can make more drawings together," Eddie had told her with a shy smile. 

Emily had thrown her arms around Eddie's neck and thanked him a million times. Over her shoulder, Eddie caught Richie watching them with a gleam in his eye. _Thank you_ , Richie mouthed to him.

After spending some time with the two of them, Eddie reluctantly had to return to his home for a bit. He promised both Richie and Emily he would be back later for dinner, however. With a lingering kiss from Richie, he left, and started the walk to his mother's house.

He wasn't expecting his mother to be waiting by the door for him.

"Um — hey, Ma," he said as he entered the house, shrugging off his coat and scarf. "Merry Christmas."

She was standing in front of him almost instantly, arms crossed over her ridiculous sweater. " _Merry Christmas?_ That's all you have to say to me? Edward Kaspbrak, where have you _been!_ You've barely been home since you got here!"

"I told you, Mom, I've been hanging out with friends. You should try it sometime," Eddie rolled his eyes, not in the mood for her shit.

What was new?

His mother was red in the face, and if steam could be coming out of her ears like the cartoons, it would be. "Don't give me that. You think I haven't noticed those marks on your neck? Or that dumb smile on your face when you finally decide to come back here? Who have you been seeing, Edward?"

Eddie could lie. He could tell his mom the marks were an accident, he wasn't seeing anyone, especially not a boy — not _the_ boy, the one she knows broke his heart and "corrupted him" as a teenager.

But honestly, he was tired of giving a fuck.

"Richie Tozier," Eddie replied, a biting tone to his voice.

"I'm sorry — who?"

He watched the color drain from her face, and he couldn't help but feel pride rising inside of him. "Richie fucking Tozier, remember him? Of course you do — how could you forget the boy who took my precious  _innocence_ away from me, Mama?" He said, voice swimming with fake pity. His mother was speechless, and he kept going.

"Yep, that's right. I'm gay, Ma. Remember that? I'm gay, and I'm with Richie again. We're back together. He has a daughter, who I fucking love. And you know what, I might even love him again, but that's for me to know and you to find out. We've kissed. We've made out. We're probably gonna fuck again soon, and you know what? I can't wait for it. I can't wait to feel him hold me down and shove his huge, hard di—"

He almost feels the slap before it happens, and when it does, the room falls silent.

"Get out," his mother says, her eyes cold. 

Eddie stares at her, defiant. 

"I have tried and tried with you, Eddie Bear. So until you can accept yourself for who you truly are, I want you out."

He blinks at her, hand holding his cheek, before he laughs darkly. "Don't have to ask me twice."

Within 15 minutes his bags are packed, and he's walking to the door. 

She has the nerve to speak to him again. "You'll be back, I'm sure. Once that -- that _queer_ ruins you again, you'll come crawling back home, Edward. Mark my words."

Eddie stares at his mother, wondering how one person could hold so much hate in their body. "He's more home to me than you or this house will ever be."

He leaves. 

 

* * *

 

When Eddie gets back to Richie’s apartment later that night, he’s happy to find the place full of familiar faces.

Mike and Ben are sitting on the couch with Emily, the young girl showing them one of the new dolls she got from Santa as they listen to her speak with complete interest.

Beverly and Mike’s wife, Hannah, are leaning against the counter in the small kitchen, sipping wine and laughing and talking.

Richie and Jess are sitting in the floor in front of Mike, Ben, and Emily, involved in what looks to be a very intense game of Mario Kart.

After where he has just returned from, this feels a lot like coming home.

Emily is the first to notice him, immediately jumping off Mike’s lap. “Eddie!” She says with excitement, running towards him.

Her smile is infectious, and despite the heaviness of his heart on the way over here, he finds himself grinning widely in return. “Hey there, nugget,” he says, setting his suitcases down before crouching to hug her tightly. “You have a good day?”

“Yeah!” She nods excitedly. “Daddy’s letting me stay with Aunt Bev tonight!”

“Is that right?” Eddie chuckles, pushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. It’s then that Richie seems to notice he’s there, since he’s walking away from the game to meet Eddie by the door. Eddie stands and Emily runs back into the living room.

“Hey — you made it,” Richie breathes, pulling Eddie into a tight hug. Eddie melts against him, and he can’t help but hold Richie a little tighter than normal. Richie notices. “You alright?” He says softly, bringing a hand up to cup Eddie’s cheek. 

“Yeah,” Eddie nods shakily as he looks up at Richie, and he means it. “I am now.”

It's then that Richie notices his bags. His face goes white. "Are — are you leaving already?"

Eddie is quick to shake his head, reaching up to hold Richie's face. "No, babe, no. I um, I got into a fight with my mom. About us. I kinda need to stay here for the rest of my time in Derry," he whispers.

Richie looks sad, but proud of him. "Of course, Eds."

They share a smile.

“Hey, losers!”

They both break out of their trance and turn to find Bev and Hannah smirking at them. Bev points above their heads.

Mistletoe.

Eddie lets out a laugh, rolling his eyes at Richie. “Seriously?”

Richie grins then, pulling Eddie towards him by the waist. “What kind of person would I be, Eds, if I blatantly ignored one of the most famous Christmas traditions? A fuckin’ Scrooge, that’s what.” They laugh, and Richie presses his forehead to Eddie’s. “You gonna kiss me, or what?”

From the other room, Emily giggles loudly, covering her eyes.

 

* * *

 

Before any of them know it, it’s nearing the end of the night.

Ben and Bev are the last ones at the apartment, other than Eddie, since Emily is staying the night with them.

As Richie goes with Emily to her room to pack an overnight bag, Eddie sits in the kitchen with Bev. They’re both quiet and seem to be lost in their own thoughts, until Bev speaks.

“When do you go back?”

Eddie blinks at her.

“To New York,” she specifies, hand curled around a bottle of water.

“Oh,” Eddie whispers, eyebrows furrowing at the thought. “Um, day after New Years, I think.”

Bev nods, reaching over to touch Eddie’s hand. “What are you gonna do? About them?” Her voice is soft and hesitant, and Eddie almost wants to cry.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh, Eddie,” she sighs, pulling him into a hug. He holds on tightly. “Whatever you decide to do — whether that’s stay, leave, come back, whatever, just — don’t hurt him. He’s so happy right now, baby.”

“Hurting him is the last thing I want to do. Any of you, honestly. The thought of leaving again after all this makes me sick to my stomach.”

Beverly nods, pulling away. She looks sad as well. “You two will figure it out. If you all can work past all that you’ve already gone through, a few hours of distance isn’t anything. Just don't forget about all of us this time, okay? I'll walk my ass to New York and slap you myself,” She teases.

Eddie looks at her, and he’s never felt more grateful for her friendship. He, once again, finds himself unable to comprehend how he took them all for granted.

“I love you, Bev,” he whispers.

She smiles. “I love you too.”

The moment between them comes to a natural end as Richie, Emily, and Ben come back into the room. "I'm ready, Aunt Bev!" Emily says, eyes lit up in excitement as she holds a pink suitcase. 

Ben grins, reaching to smooth Emily's curls. "She just _had_ to pack all of her dresses, of course."

"Other than what, only bringing _one_? Blasphemous, Hanscom," Richie says with drama, bringing a chuckle out of all of them. 

Eddie says his goodbyes to Ben, hugging him tightly and promising to see them again before he leaves Derry. When he pulls away he sees Richie and Bev talking quietly, Richie nodding, before they were embracing each other. 

The three walked to the doorway of the apartment, Ben and Bev walking a little further down the hall, pink suitcase in hand, so that Emily had a moment to tell them goodbye. 

"Remember, I don't care what Aunt Bev says, NO chocolate milk past 9 o'clock, okay? And try to at least be asleep before midnight," Richie sighs towards his daughter, and Eddie chuckles to himself. It was pretty obvious Ben and Bev liked to spoil the kid, and he couldn't really blame them. 

Emily rolls her eyes, which only makes Eddie laugh more. "You're so lame, Richard," she says, hugging him anyway. She hugs Eddie next, just as tightly as she had hugged Richie, and it makes Eddie's heart swell. 

"Don't listen to your dad. Drink _all_ the chocolate milk while you still can," Eddie whispers in her ear, feeling her laughter against his chest.

They say their goodbyes, and the two men walk Emily to the door. They watch as she starts running down the hall to meet Bev and Ben by the elevators. She spins to look at Richie and Eddie one last time, waving in their direction. 

"Bye Dad, Bye Papa! See you tomorrow!" She yells, grinning, before catching up with the other couple. 

Eddie waves back, smiling, yet his eyebrows furrow a bit in confusion. "I've never heard her call you Papa before."

He's met with silence, causing him to turn his head to look at Richie. 

The man is standing behind him, eyebrows raised, eyes wide and lips parted, as he looks at Eddie with an unreadable expression. "She — she _doesn't_ call me that, Eds."

Eddie looks at him in confusion for a few moments, before it hits him like a ton of bricks.

She hadn't been talking to Richie. 

The two stay locked there in the doorway, staring at each other, one wearing an expression of awe, and the other an expression of guilt. 

"Eddie — fuck, I'm sorry, I don't know why she said that, it's probably too soon but she's just a kid, you know, and you already mean so much to her and she probably just thought—"

"Richie."

The taller man stops his rambling, looking at Eddie with his shoulders hunched. He's silent for a heartbeat. "She called you Papa," he whispers. 

"Yeah," Eddie says quietly, looking down with the smallest hint of a smile. "She did." 

He doesn't know what to think.

Luckily, he doesn't have to.

Before he can do anything else, Richie is closing the door behind them, shoving Eddie against it and capturing Eddie's lips in his own, hard. 

All their unsaid words and feelings are poured and mixed together in the kiss as Eddie's hands grip at Richie's hair, tugging. 

The kisses the other night had been wonderful. A reunion between two broken, lost souls who found their way back to each other. 

This was different.

This was years of pent up longing finally rising to the surface, the two grabbing onto every part of the other that they could as they kissed hotly against the door, one of Eddie's legs rising to wrap around his waist, bringing their hips together. Richie's hand shoots up and smacks the wall and slides down beside Eddie's head, and Eddie wants to groan at how unintentionally hot that is. 

Richie's lips travel down Eddie's neck, his head tilting to give him more access. He feels hot all over, needs his clothes off, needs to be closer to Richie, needs Richie's lips on his again, needs, needs, _needs._

"Your room," Eddie manages to mumble. Richie pulls back to look at him, his curls hanging in his eyes, his lips red, his chest heaving, and Eddie has never wanted a person more.

Richie leans forward and steals his lips once more, licking into his mouth with abandon. "Are we doing this?" He mumbles against them.

Eddie's hands roam Richie's back under his shirt, his nails lightly grazing the skin. He feels Richie shiver.

They had talked about waiting until they were both ready to be together like that again, and the fog in Eddie's head clears just enough for him to remember that.

"I — I don't want to do that. Not yet, okay?" He whispers, breathless, pressing a kiss to Richie's collarbone mindlessly. "But we can do other things. I wanna make you feel good."

Richie nods, looking at Eddie with dark pupils. 

They can't get to his room fast enough.

 

* * *

 

 

Over an hour later, the two lay on Richie's bed, breathless, naked, and completely sated. 

"Forgot how loud you can get."

Richie watches with soft eyes as Eddie traces the freckles on his arm. Eddie feels him lean over and press a kiss to his sweaty hair, and his eyes close at the feeling.

"You've gotten a lot better with your mouth," Richie whispers, laughing softly at the blush that makes it's way to Eddie's cheeks.

Eddie chuckles a little, too. "Well, I haven't exactly been a blushing virgin for the last six years." He manages to laugh at that, though there's something sad behind the way he says it. Richie doesn't miss a beat.

"I didn't think that. I figured you've probably been with other people, Eds. It's alright," Richie nods, hand rubbing slow circles into Eddie's bare back.

Eddie curls into his chest, reaching to play with Richie's fingers on his free hand. "None of them were you, though. I always found myself comparing them to you, always thinking back to you, no matter how hard I tried to stop."

Richie presses another kiss to his hair, his lips lingering for a moment. 

"You remember back in the diner a few weeks ago, when I asked if you'd ever be able to love me again?"

Eddie nods against his skin. 

Richie hums, nuzzling his nose through Eddie's wavy hair. "Think you've maybe changed your mind?"

Eddie is silent, and he feels Richie deflate a little, taking the silence as his answers. Then, Eddie speaks.

"I don't think I ever stopped."

Richie lets out a breath neither of them realize he'd been holding.

"Enough to stay here with me?" Richie chuckles softly, though there's a sad sense of hope behind it that has Eddie's stomach in knots. 

"You know I can't," he shakes his head.

Richie is quiet for a moment. "Then I'll come to New York with you. Live in a cute apartment, take Ems to a Broadway show, she'd fucking love it—"

"No," Eddie whispers, and he looks up to see the hurt flash on Richie's face. He kisses his lips, trying to take it away. "You have a life here, Richie. Emily, your friends, your job — you're not gonna throw all that out the window for me."

"That's not your decision to make, Eds."

Eddie sighs heavily, dropping his head against Richie's chest once more. "Can we just — not talk about this right now? We can figure everything out tomorrow, I promise," Eddie whispers. He flips around to lay against Richie, looking up at him with his chin on his chest. "For tonight, I just wanna enjoy being here with you."

For a moment, Richie looks like he wants to argue. Instead, he nods his head slowly, before his arms come up to circle Eddie, hugging to him chest so tightly it's like he's afraid Eddie will disappear for good if he lets go.

Eddie kisses right over Richie's heart, feels Richie's face buried his hair, and it's enough. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sighhhhh they just need to work their shit out at this point i am TIRED over my own characters 
> 
> see you next time!!


	7. home is wherever i'm with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie goes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope no one is mad about the change of chapters!! once this one got going i realized i had a lot more i wanted to do with it, and trying to fit it all into one final chapter would have felt super cluttered and rushed. so, here's the penultimate chapter!!
> 
> i'm sorry this one took a bit longer than usual, ending stories is always super difficult for me, as i have a hard time figuring out exactly how to wrap things up. i think i got this one finally figured out, and i hope the end result is satisfying for all of you.
> 
> that being said, thank you SO much for your support with this fic. i didn't even think i would make this more than three or four chapters, so i'm really happy you've enjoyed reading it as much as i've enjoyed writing it.
> 
> all mistakes are mine - it got to a point where i got tired of re-reading this, so if anything is super weird let me know

As it turns out, avoiding the subject of Eddie leaving is harder than either of them thought it would be.

It's hard when Richie keeps eyeing the suitcases lying beside his bedroom door. It's hard when Eddie wakes up to Richie singing in the kitchen, dancing and making breakfast with Emily. It's hard when Richie hears Eddie skyping his friends from New York, telling them he's excited to see them soon.

It's hard when Eddie sees Emily's newest drawing of the three of them, labeling it "my family". 

It's hard when the three of them ring in the new year together with the rest of their friends, and when Richie kisses Eddie at midnight so hard it hurts. 

It's hard. 

 

* * *

 

"You know I would go with you in a heartbeat, right, Eds?"

"I already told you, I can't let you do that."

"And I can't let you leave not knowing if I'll see you again."

"Of _course_ you'll see me again, you giant idiot," Eddie whispered fiercely, sitting up in bed to stare down at Richie.

It was the night of January 1st. The two lay in Richie's bed — what had become _their_ bed — as Emily slept peacefully down the hall. The next morning, Eddie had a flight scheduled for Manhattan.

He was leaving, afterall.

It's not that he wanted to. But he had a job, and an apartment, and friends, and a life in another state that he simply couldn't erase after a few weeks back home — no matter how wonderful they may have been. 

And man, were they wonderful.

At the same time, he refused to lose Richie again. He refused to lose the relationship he had built with Emily, and he refused to pretend his friends in Derry didn't exist anymore. Things were going to be different when he got back.

"It's the 21st century, Rich. We have phones and skype and airplanes and everything in between. There's no way in hell I'm losing you a second time." His voice was quiet, his fingers tracing the edge of Richie's freckled nose.

Richie's eyes were sad, his hand reaching up to catch Eddie's, and he brought his knuckles to his lips. "I won't be able to afford a plane every time I want to see you, Eddie. My job pays well, but not that well." 

Eddie let out a sigh, curling up to Richie's chest. "We're just gonna have to try, okay? If we want to make this work. This is our second chance, Rich, and I don't wanna blow it."

He felt Richie's lips in his hair, and he all but melted into the other man. 

"Guess I'm just worried you'll get back to New York and realize that this was all a mistake." Richie's words were quiet and shaky, an insecure tone to his voice. "That you'll get back and open your eyes and realize you can still do so much better.."

"Beep _beep_ ," Eddie scolded, poking Richie in the stomach. "You say a lot of stupid things, Trashmouth, but that has to take the cake." 

Richie stayed silent. 

Eddie turned around in his arms, looking at Richie. He brought a hand up to his cheek. "I _love_ you," he whispered, all traces of teasing gone. He needed Richie to listen. "I love you, and I'm fucking proud of that. I'm proud to love everything about you. I fell in love with you a long time ago and even though we went through absolute hell, you made it back to me. And if you really think I would find all that to be a mistake, then you really are an idiot." 

He was suddenly crushed to Richie in a hug that nearly knocked the wind out of him. Richie was a little shaky as they embraced, his lips brushing against Eddie's cheekbone. "I love you too, Eddie Spaghetti," he whispered in return. 

"Don't ruin it," Eddie giggled into his neck. 

"Never."

 

* * *

 

The only thing worse than thinking about Eddie leaving, was Eddie _actually_ leaving. 

Eddie, Richie, and Emily sat in the airport, Emily keeping herself occupied with one of her many coloring books, blissfully unaware that Eddie was about to leave. 

He had already said his goodbyes to his other three best friends the night before — he knew if he had to say goodbye to all of them at the airport, plus Richie and Emily, he would end up completely breaking down in public. 

Instead, he took his time wishing each of the three of them goodbye, promising to keep in touch and come visit again as soon as he can. 

Eddie's head rested on Richie's shoulder as they sat quietly, doing some people watching and waiting for Eddie's flight number to be called. He found himself selfishly wishing for a delayed or cancelled flight, giving him an excuse for more time with him.

"You'll text me as soon as you land, right?" Richie whispered nervously, playing with Eddie's fingers. Eddie nodded against his shoulder.

"Of course. Will you Skype me tonight?"

Richie nodded. "Won't be for too long — I have an early shift at work tomorrow."

"Okay," Eddie said, turning his hand so he could hold onto Richie's. "Gonna miss falling asleep and waking up with you."

Richie smiled sadly. "Least you'll finally get a break from my morning breath."

That brought a laugh out of Eddie, tilting his head up to meet the man's eyes. "I probably should say something romantic, like I'd actually miss that too or something, but — yeah, no. Still gross."

"Ouch," Richie smirked, pressing a kiss to Eddie's temple as Eddie slid an arm across his torso, hugging him from the side. "I'm wounded, Eds."

"You'll be alright."

The two sat in comfortable silence as a few more minutes passed, when Emily was suddenly sitting up straighter, looking down at her coloring book with a huge grin. "Done!"

Eddie sat up from Richie's shoulder to glance over at her, smiling fondly. Her enthusiasm when it came to her art never failed to fill Eddie with a sense of pride, and he knew Richie felt the same. 

"Looks amazing as always, Rockstar," Richie told his daughter with a beaming grin, before glancing over at Eddie. "What other five year olds can do actual shading with colored pencil?"

Eddie laughed. 

Before any of them were ready, Eddie's flight number was being called. Eddie looked at Richie sadly, and all Richie could do was offer a reassuring smile. 

The three of them stood, walking Eddie hand in hand down the hall towards security. They stopped before they reached the crowd, wanting to say goodbye privately. 

Eddie let his suitcase sit on the ground beside him, taking a deep breath. He knew it wasn't like this was goodbye forever, but part of him was scared that going back home would change everything. That their little bubble away from reality would burst as soon as he stepped foot into Manhattan. It was a stupid thought, but one that had his anxiety increasing. 

"You're overthinking," Richie mumbled, reading him. He was always able to read him. 

Eddie nodded, looking at the ground. He heard Richie sigh, and then the man's arms were wrapping around him, pulling him into the safety of his chest. Eddie held onto him tightly, letting out a shaky breath into the crook of his neck. "Love you," he whispered. 

"I love you," Richie returned, pulling away after a moment. As they separated, Eddie looked down to see Emily looking up at him sadly. She was holding up the picture she had finished coloring earlier. 

"You can have it," she said, pushing it into his hands. "That way your refrigerator at your house can look better. Like ours."

Eddie was laughing, then, shaking his head as he dropped to his knees, pulling the young girl into a bone-crushing hug. He ran a gentle hand through her curls and kissed the top of her head as she clung to him.

"Thank you, Emmie," he whispered. "I promise I'll be back soon, okay?" He then pulled back, giving her a soft smile. "Until then, draw me some stuff for next time with that art set I got you, yeah? And keep annoying your dad for me."

Emily nodded, giggling softly. She moved forward and pressed a smacking kiss to Eddie's cheek, causing him to chuckle as he stood up. 

Richie was looking at him so intensely and full of love that Eddie almost said _fuck it, let's go back to the apartment. Let's go home._

But he didn't.

And after kissing Richie goodbye ~~one~~ last time — make that two more times, he was picking up his suitcase and walking away from the two people who had become his home.

 

* * *

 

Despite his flight only lasting a bit over an hour, Eddie found himself emotionally exhausted as he rode the elevator up to his apartment. At this point all Eddie wanted to do was curl up in his bed and take a nap. The thought of going back to work the next day didn't do much to help the mood he was in. 

He had texted Richie to let him know he landed, like he promised, and had received a selfie of Richie and Emily in response. They were both making over dramatic crying faces, and the text with the picture read _we miss you already._

Eddie immediately saved the picture. 

He sighed to himself as he reached his door, pulling out his keys and making his way inside.

He really should have known he wouldn't come home to an empty apartment. Or empty arms. 

_"EDDIE!"_

He was immediately attacked by two lanky men, throwing their arms around him from either side. Eddie should have felt panicked, but he would know these arms from anywhere.

Bill was laughing in his ear, rocking side to side as he squeezed Eddie dramatically. Stan was hugging him tightly and grinning as well, though his enthusiasm was toned down a bit in comparison to Bill. It made sense — Stan was the more stoic of the two, but it was obvious Bill wasn't the only one who missed Eddie. 

It hit Eddie in a rush how much he missed them, too, and he instantly felt bad for how little he got to talk to them while he was in Derry. 

Then again, he had been a bit preoccupied. 

"Remind me to think again before giving either of you another spare key to my apartment," he huffed, only causing the two of them to laugh.

"We missed you. I know you probably wouldn't be able to tell from looking at Bill, of course," Stan rolled his eyes as he pulled away, smirking. Bill flipped him off from where he was still hugging Eddie from the side, Eddie's arm wrapped around his back.

"Sh-shut up. Let us have our mm-moment." 

"Moment, huh? Want me to spin you around in circles and confess that I wrote to you every day for a year and profess my undying love for you?" Eddie raised an eyebrow at his best friend, pulling away from the hug with a teasing grimace. 

Bill shrugged his shoulders, grinning as he crossed his arms. "Sure t-thing, Ryan Gosling. As long as Stan g-got the camera first."

Eddie laughed as Stan rolled his eyes, again, mumbling something about needing tea before walking towards the kitchen. It was a wonder that Stan's eyes never got stuck like that.

Bill grinned fondly as he watched his boyfriend walk away, before looking back at Eddie. He reached down for Eddie's second suitcase and started walking down the hall with it. Eddie followed.

They ended up in Eddie's bedroom, Bill sitting on his bed with his legs crossed as Eddie got busy with unpacking. Their positions reminded him of their earlier college dorm days, and he smiled a little at the thought. 

"So. H-how was the walk d-d-down memory lane?" Bill asked, throwing one of Eddie's smaller pillows up in the air over and over. 

Eddie bit his lip, pausing as he folded one of his sleep shirts. He wasn't sure how much he should tell Bill about the situation with Richie, knowing how hesitant his best friend was about the thought of Eddie getting hurt again. He knew Bill would find out eventually, though, so it's not like it really mattered. 

"Well, I'm no longer speaking to my mother. Like, permanently," he decided to start with instead, shrugging his shoulders.

Bill's eyes widened, his eyebrows raised. "No sh-shit? What happened?"

Eddie shrugged. "You know, just, her usual obsessive, over-protective, homophobic ways. I got tired of it."

"A-about time," Bill nodded. "How are t-things with Richie?" He asked then, looking down at the pillow and playing with a loose string hanging from it. 

Pausing, Eddie turned around and leaned against his dresser, looking at Bill with a nervous smile. "We're good."

Bill looked at him like he had three eyes and eight arms, his eyebrows raising up towards his hairline. " _We're good._ T-that's all I g-g-get? Y-you started blushing the second I s-said his name!"

Eddie groaned, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, folding his hands on his lap. It wasn't that Bill disliked Richie — he didn't even know him. But he had seen what Richie had done to Eddie, the hurt and pain and longing that had crossed Eddie's features when he finally told Bill all about that part of his life. How Bill had held Eddie as he had cried into his chest, not even knowing if Richie was still alive, let alone if he would ever see him again.

Bill had been given first witness to the aftermath of what their relationship had done to Eddie. Eddie didn't know what Bill would think if he knew they were back together. 

"We're really good," Eddie mumbled slowly, feeling Bill move to sit beside him. He looked over at his best friend, pleading with his eyes. "He's different now, Bill, I promise. I'm different this time, too. We're — we're back together, like, officially." He said, and Bill simply looked at him. "The long distance thing is gonna suck, but we're gonna work through it."

"W-woah, okay, h-hold on," Bill said, holding up a hand as he furrowed his eyebrows. "Last time we t-talked, you said the two of y-you were working on b-being _friends_ , Eddie. What h-happened to that?"

"Kinda hard to do when you're both still in love with each other."

Bill nodded and swallowed, looking at the floor. It seemed like he was trying to take in what Eddie was telling him. "I t-thought he had a kid?"

"Her name's Emily. She's the coolest five year old in the whole fucking world, and she's an amazing artist. She has her dad's sass, though, which can really drive you crazy but—“

Eddie cut himself off when he saw the way Bill was looking at him — a look that almost read _pity_. 

"Eddie, I just h-hope you're being careful. Y-you have the b-biggest heart in all of New York. I d-don't want to see it broken again. You shu-sure you can trust him?"

"He's changed, Bill. He's back to the Richie I fell in love with. I'm not going to get hurt again," Eddie said fiercely, feeling a bit protective over Richie. 

Bill nodded, standing up and wiping his hands on his jeans. "Well. Y-you have me and Stan, if y-you need anything." 

Eddie knew the hidden underlying meaning to Bill's words. _You have us if you lose him again._

He tried not to feel offended, since he trusted Richie and knew nothing bad was going to happen again. But at the same time, he understood why Bill was hesitant.

However, he knew if Bill ever met Richie, he would trust him, too.

 

* * *

 

"What are you wearing?"

"I am _not_ having phone sex with you right now."

"You're actually the lamest person ever, Eds."

"I'm in the middle of my lunch break, Richie!"

"Mmm, keep talking dirty. S'really getting me going."

Eddie couldn't help but laugh hard into his hand, relaxing back in his chair as he sat in the hospital's cafeteria, eating a shitty sandwich he had thrown together before his twelve hour shift. He'd been home for almost three weeks now, and talked to Richie every day. It wasn't too bad at first, being away from him, but recently with every conversation they had, Eddie's found himself feeling more and more tempted to fly out to see him.

"You're the worst," Eddie mumbled, hiding his smile against his phone. 

He could hear Richie's smile in his voice. "You wouldn't have me any other way, my dear Spaghetti. How's work?"

"Exhausting," Eddie sighed, picking at the crust of his sandwich. "I still have like, four hours left. I've been here since five this morning."

"Love me a hard workin' man," Richie said in the worst country accent Eddie has probably ever heard. It left him grinning either way.

Eddie sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. "When am I gonna get to see you?"

"We'll figure something out soon, baby, I promise. Not sure if I could go another three weeks or not," Richie chuckled.

"You and me both." Eddie chuckled. "How's Emmie?" 

Eddie wasn't sure where the nickname for Emily came from, but once he started saying it, it stuck. Richie thought it was adorable, apparently.

"Still getting over that cold."

"Is she still taking those antibiotics?"

" _Yes_ , Dr. Kaspbrak," Richie laughed, and Eddie could picture him rolling his eyes.

"Nurse, not Doctor," he corrected with a smirk. He glanced down at his watch, immediately groaning in annoyance. "Fuck. I gotta get back."

Eddie could tell Richie was hiding his disappointment. "Ah, okay," he mumbled sadly, letting out a small sigh. "Skype soon?"

"I'll wear my scrubs," Eddie smirked, grinning as Richie chuckled. 

" _Kinky_."

 

* * *

 

Eddie felt like a walking zombie.

When he wasn't working, he was talking to Richie. When he wasn't talking to Richie, he was moping. 

Stan and Bill noticed, and so they spent more time hanging out at Eddie's apartment, taking him out, and doing whatever they could to keep his mind off how much he missed Richie. 

"It's like Derry sucked all the happiness out of him and left it there," Eddie heard Stan mumble to Bill one night when they didn't think he could hear them. In retrospect, Stan wasn't wrong.

Eddie appreciated their efforts to make him feel better — really, he did. But being home was slowly wearing him down, and he didn't know what to do about it.

Did he make the right decision to leave Derry again? His head was saying yes, but his heart was saying no.

He had actually become a walking cliche. 

The three men were currently sitting on Eddie's couch watching their second movie of the evening, an empty six pack of beer lying on the coffee table in front of them. Bill had his head on Stan's shoulder, eyes glued to the TV. Eddie could feel his own eyes slipping closed every now and again.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Stan glancing at his phone and the door every now and again, but he didn't think much of it.

Eventually, Eddie just wanted to go to his room and call Richie. He had some work thing going on and said he wouldn't be able to talk until later that night, and Eddie hoped it was _later_ already.

Just as he was about to stand up and go to his room, he heard the door buzz. Bill sat up from Stan's shoulder with a confused expression, looking at Eddie, whose face was matching his.

Stan didn't seem phased, pausing the movie and standing up a little hastily. Eddie and Bill looked at him, both of their faces saying _the fuck?_

"I ordered a pizza. Stop looking at me all weird," Stan grumbled, walking to the door.

Seemingly satisfied with that answer, Bill turned back to the TV, and Eddie did the same, reaching to unpause it. Stan would live if he missed the next five minutes.

As the movie started playing again, Eddie watched as Bill glanced over his shoulder, probably wondering what was taking Stan so long. It was then that Eddie heard the door close, and saw the shocked, confused, and almost disbelieving look that washed over Bill's face. 

Eddie turned around.

There, standing by the door, was Stan, wearing a shit-eating smirk on his face.

Beside him—

"Someone order a pizza?" Richie Tozier grinned, holding a box above his head, and an overnight duffel bag by his side.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise richie visit, woo!!!!!
> 
> next chapter — long awaited richie and bill confrontation, and eddie makes a big decision.
> 
> see you next time to /actually/ wrap this thing up :)))))
> 
> also, i finally made an it/stranger things sideblog on tumblr, so come say hi!! i wanted to be able to talk to you guys more and take prompts and get more involved with the fandom. you can find me at willtoziers :))))


	8. not a chapter (yet)? *announcement*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M ALIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter coming soon :)))))))

okay yes hi i know this isn't a chapter and that it has been well over seven months

but

FINAL CHAPTER COMING LATER THIS WEEK. yup.

i'm so, so incredibly sorry about the wait. school and family and irl relationships took a priority in my life for a while, but i missed this story way too much to never come back to it. so i got my ass in gear and finally finished up this bad boy.

i hope you guys are still around and excited for the last chapter? i'm posting it regardless, but it'll be v cool if people are still interested in this little AU.

also, sorry if you got an alert for an update and it's just me rambling. i'm the worst.

OKAY! SEE Y'ALL WITH AN UPDATE BEFORE SATURDAY! 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


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